Obama Reveals Unsuccesful Run for President of Kenya

This is a brilliant piece of satire from the Borowitz Report:

Obama Reveals Unsuccessful Run for President of Kenya
Disqualified by U.S. Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In a stunning announcement that took even political insiders by surprise, President Barack Obama revealed today that he ran for President of Kenya in 2005 but was disqualified when a birth certificate surfaced showing he was born in the United States.

At a press conference at the White House, Mr. Obama spoke for the first time about his little-known unsuccessful foray into Kenyan politics: “Like every American boy or girl, I grew up with the dream of someday becoming President of Kenya.”

But soon after he entered the race, political opponents began spreading rumors that he was not “a real Kenyan,” the President said, and foiled his bid by disseminating copies of his authentic American birth certificate.

“I guess I didn’t look into the rules closely enough before I ran,” the President admitted. “I got caught up in the excitement of being President of Kenya and I guess I just got carried away.”

Lisimba Ogongo, a Nairobi talk radio host who spearheaded the effort to unearth Mr. Obama’s U.S. birth certificate, confirmed Mr. Obama’s version of events today.

“I felt strongly that the people of Kenya deserved the truth,” Mr. Ogongo said. “We were not about to elect a President of Kenya who was really a secret Hawaiian.”

Elsewhere, Donald Trump found himself under renewed pressure to produce all of his authentic marriage certificates, believed to number in the thousands.

Streets Trod by Mary Todd

I was in Springfield for a couple of days for a work-related meeting. Here’s the view from my hotel room looking out over the capitol section of the city. Doesn’t it look all Springfieldy?

This is where our most notorious leader, Rod Blagojevich, began his political career. Since Springfield is also the home of Abraham Lincoln, everything is Lincoln-this and Lincoln-that. Whenever I’m here, though, I can’t help but reflect on the life of his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln.

Such a tragic figure, she was. Imagine, losing three of your four sons to illness while they were young. Then, your husband gets assassinated. Then your remaining son has you committed to an insane asylum. Finally, your favorite hat designer cuts off your line of credit.

The mind reels.

But looking out over these streets, I like to think of Mary Todd upon her first arrival in this city. She had just completed a college education (a very rare feat for young women in the 1830s) and had left her home in Kentucky to stay with an older sister here in the new, frontier capital city. Aside from being fluent in French, she was witty, politically savvy, beautiful, and the talk of the town. Here, she had her pick of dozens of eligible, young bachelors and she selected one that would make her a First Lady.

And the rest, as they say, is history. . . .

Now on Sale

You can order this t-shirt here

It also comes various designs, including a onesie creeper:

State of the Union Address

Drinking Game For Tonight’s State of the Union Address

Obama says, “Let me be clear.”
Do one shot

Obama says, “Change isn’t easy.”
Do one shot

Obama says, “Make no mistake.”
Do one shot

Obama says, “Let me be clear, change isn’t easy, make no mistake.”
He’s screwing with you to get you drunk, so do five shots

Joe Wilson yells something.
Do two shots

Obama yells back.
Finish the bottle

Obama says, “jobs.”
Do one shot, two if you’re unemployed.

Obama says, “health care.”
Do not drink. You will not be given a replacement liver.

Nancy Pelosi claps like a seal
Do one shot

Obama mentions Bo.
Put beer in your dog’s water bowl

Joe Biden nods off / laughs inappropriately / starts talking before the speech is over.
Do three shots

Obama uses the term, “Congressional leadership.”
Do two shots carefully as all that laughing will make it difficult to swallow

Beer Summit

"All was going smoothly until Joe Biden stopped by and asked Professor Gates if he knew where he could score some weed . . . "

I Have a Dream. . .

Yesterday while watching coverage of the upcoming inauguration, I found it very entertaining to switch between CNN and Fox News.

First, I was watching CNN, rather, I really just have it on all the time in my apartment anyway. CNN seemed to be broadcasting non-stop coverage of deliriously happy people being interviewed by news reporters – none of whom I’d ever seen before.

Then, CNN would switch to several more news commentators (none of whom had ever been seen before) all sitting in a circle and analyzing what the deliriously happy people had said.

It was a non-stop love fest. There was no news coverage going on. None at all.
Grrrr.
So I switched to Bill O’Reilly over on Fox.

Oh my goodness.

Within ten minutes of watching him, he had commented that Washington D.C. was “a zoo” and that he hoped all the spectators “behaved themselves” during the next couple of days. Then he started “opining” about Rev. Gene Robinson, the openly gay Episcopalian bishop, and I had to change the channel.

I watched an enthralling documentary about theoretical quantum physics on The Geek Channel instead.

Yes, I’m awfully glad that Obama will be our president, don’t get me wrong. I'm even a bit delirious as well. It’s just that the 24-hour news stations seem to go overboard with the sensational item-of-the-day and neglect all the other news.

Yes, a plane went down on the Hudson River the other day and it’s wonderful that everyone was okay. But we don’t need to hear non-stop playbacks of every 9-1-1 call that was phoned in for the next 24 hours. I might also like to keep up with what’s going on in Russia or China for a little while. They're big countries and lots of stuff goes on there.

American television news is like that -- twenty-four hour sensationalism.

I miss the National News back in Canada – or as Canadians call it, simply “The National”. You’d have a non-descript news anchor give the news accordingly:

Subject, fact, fact, fact, concluding sentence.
Subject, fact, fact, fact, concluding sentence.
Subject, fact, fact, fact, concluding sentence.
Hockey scores
Hockey scores
Hockey scores
Weather – (twenty kilometers below zero, snow)
Update on Wayne Gretzky.

There is no news commentary in Canada. Canadians don't express their opinions. At all. Unless it's about hockey.

Joke:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road in Canada?
A: To get to the middle.

Okay, one other thing I have to get off my chest is about our future First Lady, Michelle Obama. She’s gorgeous, classy, intelligent, articulate and seems to be the perfect mom.

Barack Obama seems to be modeling his presidency after the great Abraham Lincoln, so frankly, I’d like to see a just a touch of a Mary Todd Lincoln thing going on there too. I think it would be great to see Michelle Obama get a little bit of Mary Todd in her and just lose it all over Bill O’Reilly.

Yes, I have a dream.

For that, I’d watch Fox News.

Remember When. . .

With all the ugliness going on right now with politics in Illinois, I thought that posting some memories of election night would be a nice antedote.

Here are Iwanski and Danny Wanny, monitoring minute-by-minute election results via multiple wireless devices.

Meanwhile, Miss Healthypants encourages the opening of champagne.

And a cork is popped.

A very happy crowd gives a toast to our new leader.

From left to right:

Iwanski's sister and nephew, Iwanski, Miss Healthypants, Karen (Mrs. Wanny) and Danny Wanny.

This is Brilliant

You've got to watch this "news report" from my favorite news source, The Onion.

It is absolutely brilliant.

Click here.

Palin's Catching On!

I’ve noticed a trend in politicians’ behavior during the conventions. When they walk out in front of a crowd, they smile really big and begin pointing at people in the crowd like they suddenly recognize someone they know and are overjoyed at seeing them.

I doubt seriously if they’re really pointing at anyone in particular. I think this is a gesture to show that they’re connecting with the crowd or it’s to show a really friendly familiarity with their constituents.

Whatever the case, this gesture has definitely caught on. I don’t know who started it, but these folks really love doing it.

Hillary seems to be the best at it.

Here she is, apparently ecstatic over seeing a friend in the balcony:

Oh, there's someone off to the side she knows:

Barack's got the point-and-smile thing down pretty well:

McCain's picked up on it too:McCain adds a twist: The double-point. He definitely looks presidentular. .

Clinton is about to explode, she's so excited.

And lookie here. Palin's learned to do it too. She's not up to Clinton's standards yet, but she's definitely one of the gang now.

Obama in Germany

All in the Family

Check this out. According to the New England Historic Genealogical Society, it turns out that George W. Bush and Barack Obama are distant cousins.

Also, Hillary Clinton and Angelina Jolie are ninth cousins, twice removed. Brad Pitt and Barack Obama are also ninth cousins. Both are linked by a common relative back in the early 1700’s.

Oh, and Clinton is also related to Celine Dion and Madonna.

When you think about, we all probably have thousands of ninth cousins. Still, it’s a bit disconcerting to know that we are still probably going to have a Bush relative in the White House next term.