Afternoon Scene - Cool Memorial Day

Our long, cold season called "Almost Spring" seems to be lingering longer than ever this year. Here it is, Memorial Day, and just three days ago, we were experiencing record-low wind chills of 33 degrees. I've been wearing my long, furry dress coat all week. 

Yesterday started out chilly and windy. It was "Rogation Sunday" in the Episcopal  tradition which, ironically, is a Sunday set aside to recognize God's hand in causing seeds to sprout and stuff like that. (Little evidence of that going on here, God, eh?) During church, a whopper of a thunderstorm blew in. 

Then another. 

And another. 

When I got home, the chilly, low-pressure air was sucking in warmer stuff from the lake. Usually, it goes the other way around. 

Here are some cool pics from my balcony:

God's Happy People

Yesterday, my friend, Iwanski, took some great photos of these really happy people who were having an anti-gay rally downtown. You can view his photos (and really hilarious captions) here.

Now, just look at these people.

Don't they look like they're having fun?

No?

I just don't understand these folks who protest against gay marriage. They say they want to "protect marriage!" And that marriage should be "one woman and one man."

Fine.

What's stopping any one man and one woman from getting married?

Nothing will change for men and women who want to do so.

Here's some advice for these happy folks: If you're against gay marriage, then by all means, don't marry someone of the same sex! 

As I was looking at them, I noticed one woman and thought, "She looks just like a Far Side cartoon character."

Really! Take a look: 

Here's the happy crowd.

Here's a Far Side cartoon:

The woman

The cartoon character:

Yes, we may encounter their nonsense here and there, but can you imagine what it must be like to live in their heads twenty-four-seven?

Morning Scene - Working from Home

Today’s morning scene is from my balcony. There’s a 100 percent chance of thunderstorms in the forecast, I’ve got a ton of reports and data to compile, therefore, I am SO working from home today.

  

Working from home is great. I have my snooty Italian roast coffee made in a French press, I’m working in my comfy cargo pants, lunch is nearby and doesn’t cost ten bucks, and one can forget about performing “courtesy flushes.”

Let the good times roll. . . .

Morning Scene - Fog

I looked out the window at work this morning and there was a typical Springtime scene in Chicago:
Fog rolling in from the lake on a cool, sunny day.

It reminds me of that poem by Carl Sandburg:

Fog comes on little cat feet
And sits on silent haunches over harbor and city;
And then moves on.

May 21, 2011

I really hope that Harold Camping and all his followers will watch this video on May 22nd:

Working in Your Pajamas

About a month ago, I gave a presentation in Wisconsin on finding work opportunities for people with disabilities in rural areas. (Apparently, with a raging case of pneumonia.) I recently got the results from those surveys that are handed out to the participants and, apparently, they really liked the last part of my presentation that I called “The Holy Grail: Working From Home.”


I had done quite a bit of research on work-from-home opportunities and I found it pretty interesting as well. With so many people looking for work these days, I thought I’d pass along this info to all of you, my dear reader-puppies.

We’re all familiar with companies who have sent their jobs off-shore to India. But nowadays, many employers are moving their call centers back to the U.S. now that these jobs can be done from home. (Very little overhead for the employers.) It’s called “Homeshoring” or “home shoring” or “homesourcing” or even “rural shoring”.

Sure, everyone would like to work from home in their PJs and lots of Nasty People have realized that. There are LOTS of scams out there. If you see an advertisement saying that you can earn $5,000 a month from home, it’s a scam. Bottom line, if it sounds too good to be true . . . .well, you know the rest.

Another scam is to get you to pay a chunk of money up front for the “opportunity” to apply for these jobs.

That’s a scam. Hello!!
Employers pay employees. Not the other way around.

(Note: Sometimes, an employer will require a small fee for a background check, but if it’s legitimate, that’s only after a job has been offered.)

But there are many legitimate companies out there that employ people to work from home. For example, whenever you call Jet Blue, you’re speaking to someone working from home. Probably in their PJs. Same for 1-800-Flowers. When you go to the drive-thru at McDonald’s, there’s a chance that the person on the squawk-box is someone working from home. Chances are, it’s someone who uses a wheelchair.

No, you won’t be making five-thousand bucks a month. The pay isn’t that great, but you’ll have no commuting costs, won’t have to buy business attire, and hey, if you’re unemployed, it’s a job.

So, here are some legitimate employers who hire people to work from home.

Thank you for your attention and have a great day.

Oh! And please spend about five minutes to complete the survey before you leave for the networking session in the Sheboygan Ballroom. Thank you.

Home Call Center Jobs
http://www.homecallcenterjobs.com/

http://www.surveylot.com/
Surveys, mystery shopper

http://www.wahm.com/
(Stands for work at home mother. It is gender neutral.)

http://www.marketforce.com/

http://www.certifiedfieldassociates.com/

Jet Blue
http://www.jetblue.com/about/work/

Alpine Access
http://www.alpineaccess.com/en/

LiveOps
http://www.liveops.com/

Billing Services Group
http://www.bsgclearing.com/products/voicelog/?/voicelog/

West at Home
http://www.westathome.com/

TeleCare Corp
http://www.telecarecorp.com/page3-56/JobSearch

1-800-Flowers
http://ww10.1800flowers.com/template.do?id=template8&page=9000&conversionTag=true

Working in your PJs

About a month ago, I gave a presentation somewhere in Wisconsin on finding work opportunities for people with disabilities in rural areas. (Little did I know I had a raging case of pneumonia while doing it.) I recently got the results from those surveys that are handed out to the participants and, apparently, they really liked the last part of my presentation that I called “The Holy Grail: Working From Home.”


I had done quite a bit of research on work-from-home opportunities and I found it pretty interesting as well. With so many people looking for work these days, I thought I’d pass along this info to all of you, my dear reader-puppies.

We’re all familiar with companies who have sent their jobs off-shore to India. But nowadays, many employers are moving their call centers back to the U.S. now that these jobs can be done from home. (Very little overhead for the employers.) It’s called “Homeshoring” or “home shoring” or “homesourcing” or even “rural shoring”.

Sure, everyone would like to work from home in their PJs and lots of Nasty People have realized that. There are LOTS of scams out there. If you see an advertisement saying that you can earn $5,000 a week from home, it’s a scam. Bottom line, if it sounds too good to be true . . . .well, you know the rest.

Another scam is to get you to pay a chunk of money up front for the “opportunity” to apply for these jobs.

That’s an evil, nasty scam.
Hello!! Employers pay employees. Not the other way around.

(Note: Sometimes, an employer will require a small fee for a background check, but if it’s legitimate, that’s only after a job has been offered.)

But there are many legitimate companies out there that employ people to work from home.

For example, whenever you call Jet Blue, you’re speaking to someone working from home. Probably in their PJs. Same for 1-800-Flowers. When you go to the drive-thru at McDonald’s, there’s a chance that the person on the squawk-box is someone working from home. Chances are, it’s someone who uses a wheelchair.

No, you won’t be making five-thousand bucks a week. The pay isn’t that great, but you’ll have no commuting costs, won’t have to purchase business attire, and hey, if you’re unemployed, it’s a job.

So, here are some legitimate employers who hire people to work from home.

Thank you for your attention and have a great day.

Oh! And please spend about five minutes to complete the survey before you leave for the networking session in the Sheboygan Ballroom. Thank you.

Home Call Center Jobs:
http://www.homecallcenterjobs.com/


http://www.surveylot.com/ (Surveys, mystery shoppers)

http://www.wahm.com/
(Stands for work at home mother. It's gender neutral.)

http://www.marketforce.com/

http://www.certifiedfieldassociates.com/

Jet Blue
http://www.jetblue.com/about/work/


Alpine Access
http://www.alpineaccess.com/en/


LiveOps
http://www.liveops.com/


Billing Services Group
http://www.bsgclearing.com/products/voicelog/?/voicelog/

West at Home
http://www.westathome.com/

TeleCare Corp
http://www.telecarecorp.com/page3-56/JobSearch

1-800-Flowers
http://ww10.1800flowers.com/template.do?id=template8&page=9000&conversionTag=true

Gay Marriage Advocates Adopt Gingrich as Poster-Boy

When I find something so hypocritical, so outrageous (such as Newt Gingrich coming out against same-sex marriage and announcing that he'll run for president) I find that writing satire is my favorite approach.
Here you go. . .

Gay Marriage Advocates Adopt Gingrich as Poster-Boy

BOSTON MA - In a move that has taken many conservatives by surprise, gay marriage advocates have begun a “Save Marriage” campaign that addresses the fifty percent divorce rate in the U.S. Subsequently, they have identified GOP presidential hopeful, Newt Gingrich, as an example of those threatening the sanctity of marriage by participating serial adultery and divorce.

“Gingrich is the poster-boy for hypocrisy, especially when it comes to marriage, ethics, and fidelity,” remarked Gary Busek, legal director for Gay & Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD), a leading organization advancing the cause for marriage equality.

Gingrich divorced his first wife, Jackie Battley, his former high school geometry teacher, in 1980 after having an affair with Marianne Ginther. According to Battley, he visited her while in the hospital recovering from cancer to discuss their impending divorce. Gingrich married Ginther six months after the divorce was final but later began an affair with House of Representatives staffer, Callista Bisek, who is 23 years younger. In 2000, Gingrich married for a third time soon after he obtained his second divorce.

Busek cited the fact that when Gingrich and his soon-to-be third wife were having an affair, Gingrich was also a leader in the Republican investigation of President Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Gingrich, a long-time opponent of same-sex marriage, has often stated that marriage should only be “between one man and one woman.”

"But for Newt, I guess that means one man, one woman, then have an affair, then marry one woman, then have another affair, then marry one woman,” replied Busek.

Gingrich converted to Roman Catholicism after his second divorce and immediately obtained annulments to his first two marriages. “Is that any way to promote the sanctity of marriage?” questioned Busek.

“Our goal is to bring some dignity back to the state of marriage in the U.S.” stated Evan Wolfson, founder of Freedom to Marry. “And we’ve already accomplished that in Massachusetts.”

Same-sex marriages have been taking place in Massachusetts since May 2004. “Since then, the divorce rate for same-sex couples is eight times lower than that of heterosexual couples. Eight times lower!” said Wolfson, citing the Massachusetts Bureau of Statistics.

“Obviously, gays are on to something that Gingrich should be emulating.”

“I can’t fault Gingrich for everything,” he admitted. “After all, he began his first affair with his geometry teacher at the age of sixteen. His lifelong history of self-serving behavior stands as a testament to the damage that is done when under-age kids are recruited into this sort of lifestyle.”

“Obviously, Gingrich and countless other heterosexuals are free to enter into as many marriages as they want,” sighed Wolfson.

“We, on the other hand, just want one.”

Exercise Classes

The ever-elusive quest to find a means of exercise that doesn’t repulse me continues.


I still have my membership at the fancy-schmancy health club, but I have to admit that it pretty much goes unused. (My employer pays for the majority of it.) My employer does this so that the employees (me) will remain healthy, happy, and not use up a lot of health insurance.

When you think about it, it really is unethical for me to be spending the money this way without producing any benefits. Sort of like congress.

So, I decided to look in at some of the many exercise classes that are offered. After all, if I’m in a class, it’ll be embarrassing to slink away five minutes after it begins. (That’s sort of my habit whenever I do actually go to the health club.)

Oh my goodness, there are at least ten different exercise classes offered every day.

The first thing I did was to cross off any of them that began in the morning. “Group Cycle” at 6:00 am?
Rub a lamp.

While we’re at it, anything during the lunch hour is out, too.  Does anything in the phrase, "lunch hour" remotely suggest an exercize class?


Next, let’s check off anything that has “extreme” or “completely” or “blast” or “advanced” in the title. Just looking at the class titled “Abs Blast” made me queasy.

There were quite a few dance classes. Hey, that might be fun. However, I crossed out a couple of them because they danced to Hip Hop (which is just a bunch of hollering accompanied by repeating, faux-percussion.)

So, during my lunch hour, I actually went to the health club just to discuss some possibilities. (It's next door to my workplace and connected by an underground walkway.)  

The very chipper health club employee who looked just like Carrie Bradshaw suggested a cycling class for beginners. (I envisioned toddlers on tricycles.) She’ll be teaching it this afternoon and said she’ll be on the lookout for me. She’ll even help me get my tricycle set up.

For tomorrow, there’s a Cardio Dance class taught by Christopher and she said everyone loves that class.

Well . . . okay.

So, I headed home to get my gym bag during my lunch hour.

However, I turned around and came back.

It was windy outside.

The Queen Sees the Internet

So, what is making her grimace like that? No doubt, the way kids spell nowadays: 

"WHERE  U  AT, OK  C  U  LATER, LOL"

THAT is what's making her look like that!

Getting Lao'd Again

Even though I had been to Lao Sze Chuan last week with The Girls, my friends, Jack and Steve proposed a visit there for Sunday. So, four days later I there again; this time with The Boys.


We ordered one of our favorite dishes: Shrimp with Mayonnaise Sauce.

I realize that doesn’t sound very Chinese-y and I don’t know the origins of this menu item, but holeee-COW, is it good! Big, plump shrimp get dipped in egg and cornstarch, lightly fried, and served with a slightly sweet sauce made from pineapple juice and mayonnaise. Trust me, you’ve never tasted shrimp this fresh and shrimpy.

Afterward, we went for a stroll through the outdoor mall area. Even though spring-like weather has yet to arrive in Chicago, the yum-yum trees were blossoming.

I couldn’t help but notice this item in the window of one of the markets.

“Essence of Chicken Drink.” Instantly, I envisioned an elderly Chinese woman twisting a chicken like one would wring out washcloth. Maybe chicken drink is good for colds.

Okay, I’m hungry for Chinese food again.

Conspiracy Theories Abound After Bin Laden's Death

(Today's news was ripe for satire. It's good to be back in the satirical saddle once again.)

WASHINGTON DC: Unwilling to acknowledge the Obama administration’s victory in the war on terror, Tea-Party officials are questioning the truth behind the president’s announcement that Osama bin Laden had been killed by U.S. forces.


Tea Party protesters were already gathering among the celebratory crowds in front of the White House within minutes of the announcement.

“We want to see Osama’s original long-form death certificate!” announced one protester to Fox news correspondent, Sean Hannity. “Not a certificate of death.”

Conspiracy theorists, now dubbed members of the “deather movement” are already questioning why bin Laden’s body was quickly buried at sea.

“Hundreds of people called me up about this,” said real estate mogul and reality TV host, Donald Trump. “Frankly, I don’t believe Osama’s death certificate really exists. But trust me, I’ve got private investigators on the ground in Pakistan and you won’t believe what they’re telling me they’ve found.”

When asked for details by CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Mr. Trump said that “those matters are private at this time.”

The one-time governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, questioned why a small, elite platoon of service members was used to eradicate "the Taliban" leader. “Why did it have to be such a covert operation?” she queried. “That’s certainly not how we do things in Alaska!”

Arizona governor, Jan Brewer, thought it was suspicious that bin Laden was found in Pakistan rather than Afghanistan. “This just goes to show the need for tougher immigration laws,” reported the governor. “Trust me. He wouldn’t have made his way into Arizona. Certainly not with that dark skin.”

Although the “deather movement” is now active, Obama’s approval rating has soared since the news of bin Laden’s death, thus ensuring a certain 2012 presidential victory for the incumbent.

In other news, Fox News hosts Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity were suddenly rushed to local hospitals after their heads exploded upon hearing that Michele Obama is considering a presidential run in 2016, thus paving the way for an Obama White House through the year 2024.