Caption This . . .

Dear Mr. Obama,

Good luck with your internship as president.

Best wishes, Sarah Palin

The Best Sarah Palin Interview Ever

Yesterday, as I was getting my hair cut, the woman who does my hair told me about this Sarah Palin interview.

Apparently, Palin had gone to a turkey farm outside of Wasilla and had just pardoned a turkey for Thanksgiving. She then continued on with an interview.

However, over her shoulder, turkeys continued to be “processed” all through the three-minute interview.

Shirley, my hair stylist, told me about it and I really didn’t believe her.

Lo, and behold, it was true. I found an unedited version for you. (Fox News blurred out the beheading and subsequent flopping around of one turkey).

Keep watching until the very end where Palin mentions that promoting a local business "was fun" and won't be controversial - - while that poor gobbler is thrashing about.

The irony is priceless. Even the writers of Saturday Night Live could not have come up with something this hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8

McCain Stuns Political World -- Replaces Palin

WASILLA AK -- In a last-ditch effort to appeal to the coveted base of evangelical voters, the McCain campaign has replaced vice-presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, with that of her daughter and pregnant teen, Bristol.

“We realized that any appeal Sarah Palin had with the evangelical sector, Bristol could easily surpass,” reported McCain’s chief campaign advisor and strategist, Steve Schmidt.

“We regret making such a dramatic change at this juncture, but frankly, Bristol’s attributes far exceed those of her mother’s. At this point, we can’t afford not to capitalize on that.”

Focus on the Family President, James Dobson, was elated at the change in line-up.

“Originally, we were thrilled that McCain had chosen a hockey-mom who had decided to continue her pregnancy upon learning that her baby, Trig, had Down syndrome. However, many more of our constituents can relate to an unwed, pregnant teen like Bristol than they can with her mother,” said Dobson. "Especially those who are advocates of abstinence-only education."

“The fact that Bristol and her fiancé, Levi Johnston, won’t be completing high school makes it very easy for most evangelical households to identify with them," Dobson added.

Schmidt continued to extol the attributes of the new running mate.

“Additionally, Bristol has quite a bit more knowledge about her Russian neighbors than her mother,” he said, citing a two-page book report Bristol had completed during the 8th grade, titled The Chukchi People of the Russian Penninsilla [sic].

“Obviously, her knowledge of international affairs far exceeds that of her mother’s.”

Pat Robertson of the Christian Broadcast Network was equally pleased with McCain’s choice.

“What this country needs is the fine example of a young lady like Bristol who has obviously chosen life and will soon be partaking in the marriage of one man and one woman.”

Robertson added, “Additionally, Levi will be a fine model of athleticism and manhood for our nation’s young men to admire and emulate.”

In keeping with the theme of children’s names the Palins have chosen, the young couple reportedly plans to name their baby either ‘Algebra’ or ‘Burlap’.

Upon the advice of her mother, the newly-named vice presidential running mate has also decided to refrain from any and all press interviews for the foreseeable future.

Crop Circles in America

It looks like those UFOs that make the crop circles are into American politics now.

I Love This. . .

Whatever your views are regarding Sarah Palin, you've gotta admire Tina Fey's impersonation of her on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. I thought for a moment that it actually WAS Sarah Palin.

She nailed it.

I did have a Youtube video, but it looks like NBC took it away from Youtube. (Thanks to Barb for noticing)

So, click here instead

News Bombshell

Remember how I like to sleep with CNN on all night? And remember how I enjoy the dreams it produces all night long?

You don’t remember that? Well, I just told you about it a couple of days ago.

Anyway! Last night was a real doozy.

Wait, let me backtrack thirty years. . . .

Remember my previous story about meeting Eileen in college and writing the Horrible Folk Song about coming out?

“Sit back, relax, take you shoes off for a while
Make yourself as comfy as you can . . . "

Okay, you remember the rest. Please see above for details.

Anyway, Eileen and I became really close friends for a couple of years and then she transferred to the University of Alaska in Fairbanks because that’s where her brother lived.

We stayed in touch, wrote lots of letters, made lots of very expensive phone calls at 40 cents per minute that my dad paid for, and we’re still in touch to this day.

We email now. And complain about how messed we were in the 70s.
It's cheaper.

I was recalling all this in my dreams last night as Anderson Cooper was lulling me in and out of sleep. There was, no doubt, some coverage about Sarah Palin caused me to dream about Eileen in Alaska.

Then, in my semi-conscious state, I remembered a particular detail that Eileen had told me about way back then when she was in Alaska. You know how when you’re half asleep, you can remember details long forgotten? Like how nutmeg smells like your grandmother's violin case when you were nine?

I remembered that when Eileen was a senior, she fell head-over-heels over this freshman on the women’s basketball team whose name was Sarah. I got SO tired about hearing about Sarah. Sarah this, and Sarah that. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. Eileen could never stop talking about this “baby-dyke” who was so cute and who was just coming out, etc.

Then I remembered that they both joined the gay & lesbian organization which had just formed on campus. I also remembered that I had kept most of Eileen’s letters from her sojourn in Alaska.

Well, I got up to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep.

I kept thinking about those years that Eileen was in Alaska so I retrieved the box where I kept those letters and began going through them. (It smelled like a mixture of 1982 cardboard and Ralph Lauren Polo cologne for some reason - - God, who couldn't but love that smell!)

I got quite a few laughs as I read through those letters from so many years ago. There was the record-breaking winter of '79 when it got down to minus 56 in Fairbanks.
She had a Dodge Dart that exploded one winter when she forgot to plug in the space heater.
I wired her $200 bucks for a plane fare to come to Texas. And then I showed up at the Austin airport so high on . . .something.

God, we were young!

I came across one of particular interest. Eileen and Sarah had just joined the gay & lesbian organization on campus and Eileen had sent the program to me. It was dated September of 1982.

There at the bottom of the program was the list of four names of those who were new members. There was Eileen and at the bottom of the list was Sarah.

Here's a closer look at the list of new members:

Sarah Heath.

Sarah Heath.

Heath?

Heath?

I hopped on to Wikipedia.

Holy cow!! That’s Sarah Palin’s maiden name!!

Let me see, Sarah Palin is 44 years old, so that would have made her eighteen years old in 1982. A freshman. In Alaska. On the women’s basketball team. And a baby-dyke.

A cold chill ran down my spine. Have I got a ticking time bomb here in my hands? Could I be holding the evidence in my hands that would cause McCain’s sure defeat?

Most of all, would I become famous??

I was SO excited. I was going to be famous. Who should I notify about this? How does one go about notifying the press?

Most of all, would I get to meet Anderson Cooper?

Then, as always, that’s right when you wake up from a really good dream.

Damn!

See? Sleeping to CNN not only causes entertaining dreams, but it causes you to dream about dreaming and waking up from entertaining dreams as well.

And I was SO looking forward to meeting Anderson.

________________________________________

Palin's Catching On!

I’ve noticed a trend in politicians’ behavior during the conventions. When they walk out in front of a crowd, they smile really big and begin pointing at people in the crowd like they suddenly recognize someone they know and are overjoyed at seeing them.

I doubt seriously if they’re really pointing at anyone in particular. I think this is a gesture to show that they’re connecting with the crowd or it’s to show a really friendly familiarity with their constituents.

Whatever the case, this gesture has definitely caught on. I don’t know who started it, but these folks really love doing it.

Hillary seems to be the best at it.

Here she is, apparently ecstatic over seeing a friend in the balcony:

Oh, there's someone off to the side she knows:

Barack's got the point-and-smile thing down pretty well:

McCain's picked up on it too:McCain adds a twist: The double-point. He definitely looks presidentular. .

Clinton is about to explode, she's so excited.

And lookie here. Palin's learned to do it too. She's not up to Clinton's standards yet, but she's definitely one of the gang now.

Palin Blew It

Normally, I’m oblivious to details. Things like getting on a subway going in the right direction often elude me.

But I couldn’t help but notice that Baby Palin’s socks didn’t match.

My guess is that the Daddy Palin was responsible for dressing the baby.

But still, she should have seen that her kid was not properly attired for the occasion.

Palin -- "You're On"

So, tonight is Governor Palin’s big moment and so much is riding on her speech. All the reporters around the world who have been speculating on hearsay about the Palins will avidly be covering the rumors about the gossip on the Palins.

If I were in her shoes tonight, I’d be scared out of my mind. A Thorazine drip with a Valium chaser would be required.

I don’t know much about her; certainly not enough to make any judgments. I’m sure McCain knows everything about her. My guess is that he’s probably learned her name by now and maybe gone so far as to check her i.d.

I will say that women are probably better suited for the executive office than men. After all, they’ve got that whole multi-tasking thing down much better than we do.

Back when our ancestors lived in caves, a cave man would concentrate all his brain power on, say, tracking a weasel. He’d be so focused on tracking said weasel that he wouldn’t notice a very large puma leaping out of a tree; and suddenly, he'd become puma chow.

Meanwhile, his mate would be back at the cave tending the fire, nursing a baby, making leftover weasel casserole, fighting off pumas and watching Susan Lucci on All My Children, all at the same time.

That ability to multi-task has definitely remained in our DNA.

I can attest this. I will walk right out into traffic if my cell phone rings. Speaking to a passenger while I’m driving is not conducive to anyone’s safety within a five mile radius. Just ask anyone who’s driven with me. (My dad will definitely verify this).

Listening to NPR while driving is risky behavior for me.

So, I’m all on board with a woman in the executive office. If only she’d taught her daughter that whole spermatozoa-not-meeting-the-ova thing rather than “just say no.”

A little tweaking of the “judgment DNA” might be in order for that family.

I still think she looks just like Peggy Hill.

Palin's Platform

You've Got to See This

Click here for Lorraine's endorsement of Palin:

There aren't enough synonyms for the word "brilliant".

Am I The Only One?

So, McCain has selected Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate.

Has anyone else noticed the incredible resemblence between Sarah Palin and Peggy Hill?

Or am I the only one.