Christian Baker Refuses to Make a 'Welcome Home Josh' Cake for Michelle Duggar. Cites 'Firmly Held Religious Beliefs'

SPRINGDALE, ARKANSAS -- Reeling from the recent child abuse scandal and having resigned as executive director of the Family Research Council, Josh Duggar, his wife, and three children have left Washington D.C. and returned to the family homestead in Springdale, Arkansas. Adding to further embarrassment, a local baker refused to make a “Welcome Home Josh” cake for his mother, Michelle Duggar, upon his return.

“As a devout Christian, I just couldn’t bring myself to bake a cake for Michelle Duggar knowing it would be used to celebrate the return of a habitual sex offender into their home,” reported Harriet Johnston, owner of “I Knead Thee Every Hour,” a bakery specializing in Christian-themed baked goods. “Mrs. Duggar has been a long-time customer, but when she asked me to bake this cake, I held her hand and told her I couldn’t do it because of my relationship with Jesus Christ.”

Johnston thought for a moment and added, “At first, I thought I’d get persecuted for my beliefs and by not complying with the Consumer Protection Act, but the Duggars and Mike Huckabee have championed religious freedom for business owners in Arkansas for years now. This is the only person I’ve ever refused to serve during my 37 years in business, but I knew my Christian beliefs would be protected.”

Mrs. Duggar was reportedly quite taken aback by the refusal of service from a Christian-owned business. She repeatedly tried to obtain services from other area bakeries, including the local Wal-Mart, but was continually turned away.

“I have nothing against Josh Duggar personally,” said Johnston. “I have a problem with what this cake would be used for – to welcome him back into the midst of all those children. It’s their lifestyle I have problem with. I’ll always say that all children deserve a mother and a father – but ones who would not harbor a sex offender in their home.”

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Former Football Star Enables Gay Marriage

I have to admit, the moment I read David Tyree's comments about gay marriage, I had this satire piece waiting in the wings.


Here you go: (It was fun)

BUFFALO NY - Former Giant's Star Enables Gay Marriage.

Evangelical Christians across the nation are casting blame and sole responsibility on ex-Giant’s receiver, David Tyree, for New York’s  Senate passage of same-sex marriage bill due to his winning catch during the fourth quarter of Superbowl’s XLII.

Earlier in the week, the former Giant’s superstar explained that he would gladly “give up” his Superbowl win in order to see the gay marriage bill defeated.

The retired athlete took it even further last week when he said he would have traded his iconic catch and victory over the Patriots if it meant that gay marriage would be banned.

The New York gay marriage bill was passed by the Senate, 33-29, and was immediately signed by Governor Andrew Cuomo in Albany.

Pat Robertson of the Christian Broadcast Network attributes the passage of gay marriage in New York solely on Tyree’s shoulders: 

“The fact that this outstanding Christian athlete would have given up such a victory to see gay marriage defeated only shows that, had he not made that winning catch, we would be seeing the defeat of this abominable law being passed in the great state of New York.”

Robertson sighed and thought for a moment. 

“Clearly, the fact that this man said he’d trade his winning of the Superbowl so that gay marriage would be defeated, but went on to catch the winning pass, has indeed brought on the ability of men to have anal, matrimonial sex in this country.”

Governor Rick Perry of Texas, while speaking to a large delegation from the Fellowship Of Christian Athletes explained that, “All across this Christian state on every Friday night, millions of high school football fans offer prayers for the victory and the benevolence of God on their teams."

"While David Tyree was willing to give up a championship interception in order to thwart gay marriage . . . "

. . .The governor hesitated for a few moments, and continued,

"I feel confident that none of my constituency would prevent their sons from being anally assaulted in a state of matrimony for the sake of giving up state-division playoffs!"

Sudden cheers and a deafening applause bolted from the crowd of over twenty thousand.

Gay Pride parades are typically held on the weekend of June 29, the date of the Stonewall riots that signaled the beginning of the Gay Pride movement in 1969.

Due to David Tyree's recent statements in influencing a positive vote for gay marriage, the former Giant's star has received over eight hundred  invitations to be Master of Ceremonies in various Pride parades across the nation scheduled for June 25 and 26.

Gay Marriage Advocates Adopt Gingrich as Poster-Boy

When I find something so hypocritical, so outrageous (such as Newt Gingrich coming out against same-sex marriage and announcing that he'll run for president) I find that writing satire is my favorite approach.
Here you go. . .

Gay Marriage Advocates Adopt Gingrich as Poster-Boy

BOSTON MA - In a move that has taken many conservatives by surprise, gay marriage advocates have begun a “Save Marriage” campaign that addresses the fifty percent divorce rate in the U.S. Subsequently, they have identified GOP presidential hopeful, Newt Gingrich, as an example of those threatening the sanctity of marriage by participating serial adultery and divorce.

“Gingrich is the poster-boy for hypocrisy, especially when it comes to marriage, ethics, and fidelity,” remarked Gary Busek, legal director for Gay & Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD), a leading organization advancing the cause for marriage equality.

Gingrich divorced his first wife, Jackie Battley, his former high school geometry teacher, in 1980 after having an affair with Marianne Ginther. According to Battley, he visited her while in the hospital recovering from cancer to discuss their impending divorce. Gingrich married Ginther six months after the divorce was final but later began an affair with House of Representatives staffer, Callista Bisek, who is 23 years younger. In 2000, Gingrich married for a third time soon after he obtained his second divorce.

Busek cited the fact that when Gingrich and his soon-to-be third wife were having an affair, Gingrich was also a leader in the Republican investigation of President Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Gingrich, a long-time opponent of same-sex marriage, has often stated that marriage should only be “between one man and one woman.”

"But for Newt, I guess that means one man, one woman, then have an affair, then marry one woman, then have another affair, then marry one woman,” replied Busek.

Gingrich converted to Roman Catholicism after his second divorce and immediately obtained annulments to his first two marriages. “Is that any way to promote the sanctity of marriage?” questioned Busek.

“Our goal is to bring some dignity back to the state of marriage in the U.S.” stated Evan Wolfson, founder of Freedom to Marry. “And we’ve already accomplished that in Massachusetts.”

Same-sex marriages have been taking place in Massachusetts since May 2004. “Since then, the divorce rate for same-sex couples is eight times lower than that of heterosexual couples. Eight times lower!” said Wolfson, citing the Massachusetts Bureau of Statistics.

“Obviously, gays are on to something that Gingrich should be emulating.”

“I can’t fault Gingrich for everything,” he admitted. “After all, he began his first affair with his geometry teacher at the age of sixteen. His lifelong history of self-serving behavior stands as a testament to the damage that is done when under-age kids are recruited into this sort of lifestyle.”

“Obviously, Gingrich and countless other heterosexuals are free to enter into as many marriages as they want,” sighed Wolfson.

“We, on the other hand, just want one.”

Same-Sex Marriage Loophole

Wow. This is really interesting.

It appears that many same-sex couples have found a loophole that allows them to marry.

The wingnuts are really furious over this, too. Tea-party protests are already taking place.

Fundamentalist ministers are preaching against it.

Here's the report.

The Ick Factor

Okay, I just read on CNN where twins in England married each other without knowing they were related.

They had both been adopted by separate families, met years later and married. The article didn’t go on to say what’s become of them.

That got me to thinking. . . .

What if this had happened to twin males where same-sex marriage is allowed?

See? Huh?

I’m all for equal rights (and obligations) when it comes to marriage. But the scenario of brothers marrying each other made me go “ick” more than the male-female twins.

Isn't that interesting?

It was bound to happen. . .

Well, it was bound to happen, just like the Christian right-wingers said it would. How many times have I heard them say, "Once same-sex marriage is allowed, what's next? Marrying a dog?"

Well, they were right! A man in India just married a dog in a religious ceremony.

Check it out:

NEW DELHI - A man in southern India married a female dog in a traditional Hindu ceremony as an attempt to atone for stoning two other dogs to death — an act he believes cursed him — a newspaper reported Tuesday.

P. Selvakumar married the sari-draped former stray named Selvi, chosen by family members and then bathed and clothed for the ceremony Sunday at a Hindu temple in the southern state of Tamil Nadu, the Hindustan Times newspaper said.

Selvakumar, 33, told the paper he had been suffering since he stoned two dogs to death and hung their bodies from a tree 15 years ago.

"After that my legs and hands got paralyzed and I lost hearing in one ear," he said in the report.

The paper said an astrologer had told Selvakumar the wedding was the only way he could cure the maladies. It did not say whether his situation had improved.

Deeply superstitious people in rural India sometimes organize weddings to dogs and other animals, believing it can ward off certain curses.

The paper showed a picture of Selvakumar sitting next to the dog, which was wearing an orange sari and a flower garland.

The paper said the groom and his family then had a feast, while the dog got a bun.

I can just hear it now:

"Man, his wife's a dog."

"Well, yeah."

Well, I’m sure Pat Robertson will be pleased that this fellow married a female dog. After all, same-sex marriage between humans and animals would just be crossing the line.

I don't care. I think the dog is pretty.

The article didn't mention where they went for the honeymoon.