Saturday, May 23, 2009


It’s been a week since my surgery where I had a lipoma removed from inside my "arm pitular area." All week, I’ve had this plastic tube stuck in my side that ran up to the incision area that drained “drainage” into a little plastic pouch taped to my chest. The thing was ever-so convenient and not exactly comfortable.

Anyway, I went for a follow up appointment yesterday with the surgeon so that my little drainage-buddy could be removed. I have to say that was really glad to get rid of this thing. Now I know just how Jesus felt with that sword-in-the-side ordeal.

Anyway, the surgeon guy reported that the growth he removed was completely benign -- always good to hear.

Then he gave me some shocking news. He said, “This thing had legs.”

I had only detected a lump under my arm, just like Debra Winger had done in Terms of Endearment, remember? But surgeon-guy said that it extended down pretty deep and was even under my pectoral muscle.

“But I don’t have pecs,” was my immediate thought.

When I had gone in for an evaluation before the surgery, he said that my lipoma was lime-sized. Now, he was telling me that it had been -- are you ready for this --- the size of a grapefruit.

Oh my gosh!

We went from lime-sized, leaped clear over lemons and oranges, and went for grapefruit comparisons.

It "had legs" and was the size of a friggin grapefruit. Right then, I envisioned that scene from Alien where that thing burst out of the guy’s chest at the dinner table.

He had gotten it all out. No wonder I felt like crap all week long.

The surgeon-guy proceeded to remove the tube which hurt a good bit and then gave me a clean bill of health.

“Come see us again if you need anything else removed,” he chirped.

I should continue taking my Vicodin even though the pain has subsided -- Especially now that I know something the size of the largest citrus fruit had been gouged out of me.



At 11:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Should you decide that you do not wish to continue taking the Vicodin, I can provide you with my address.

Do NOT give the Vicodin to MHP, no matter how much she bats her eyes and gives puppydog faces. She is playing you. I will promise to save the Vocodin for actual medical emergency situations that do not involve beer.

At 11:48 AM , Blogger Buck said...

JP - Wow, you must have a crystal ball or something. MHP has already asked for my Vicodin but I held strong and kept it all for myself.

I gave some wine instead.

At 6:34 PM , Blogger Speck said...

I was going to leave a bad pun about navel oranges, but Hubby groaned at it.

At 11:57 AM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

Hey, I was joking about the Vicodin!!--mostly. :)

At 4:06 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Good lord.

Although, not to quibble, but I think pomelo are actually bigger than grapefruit. So, you know, there's that.

I don't want your Vicodin.


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