Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Wednesday's Whining -- Subway Hogs

I just hate it when I get on a crowded subway where there's standing room only and some inconsiderate lout is taking up two seats, or seated on the aisle seat, or taking up an extra seat with their belongings.

That is just SO inconsiderate. There can be little old ladies having to stand up around them, but there they'll be, all sprawled out over both seats.

I want to walk over and smack them on the back of the head, just like my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Ladewig, did to me once. (I was seated in the front row and she gave each of us front-row kids a stack of papers to take one and pass it back. I just sat there not knowing what to do and she smacked me! The thing is, I had yet to be taught the complicated "take-one-and-pass-it-back" procedure. No fair!)

So, I want to smack! these people on the subway. I really do. They SO deserve it.

One time, though, there was this punk kid sitting sideways across the two seats as the rest of us were standing in the aisle, hanging onto the poles. He was listening to a portable CD player with headphones, head bobbing in and out like a spastic pigeon.

So I just stood there next to him, staring at the CD player in his lap with a little grin on my face, never making eye contact. I'm sure that made him a little nervous; this guy just staring and smiling at his lap.

Finally, he turned away, leaving the extra seat vacant. HA!!! Gotcha!
I didn't even have to smack him.

I got off at the next stop.
Stupid punk.



At 4:47 PM , Blogger Red7Eric said...

Some people just weren't raised right.

When there ARE little old ladies standing next to someone whose belongings are taking up an extra seat, I've been known to pick up said belongings, invite the little old lady to sit, and only then give the belongings to the lout who owns them.

I've been threatened with violence only once, but think about it: you're on a crowded train and 99% of your eyewitnesses think you rock and the lout sucks. In the case of the singular violent lout, he was shouted down by several other passengers before things because very quiet ... and suddenly, the little old man (it happened to be a man this time) looked up at me and said, "Thank you, sir." And that ... was that.

Do it. It's immensely satisfying.

At 12:30 AM , Blogger Iwanski said...

Subways hogs are among my top my pet peeves, and one day, I'm going to kick somebody's ass.

At 7:24 AM , Blogger Jon said...

Eric, you're my hero. I'll have to remember that technique.

Iwanski - I'll gladly assist.


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