Houston, We Have a Problem

I have a love-hate relationship with pop music.

Love it: There were some bands back in the 70s I was absolutely nuts about. Their 8-track tapes took up a lot of space in my ’76 Honda Civic: Emerson, Lake & Palmer, Black Sabbath, and Led Zeppelin come to mind. Nowadays, The Killers and Alanis Morissette take up a lot of memory on my iPod. (Along with Emerson, Lake & Palmer, Black Sabbath, and Led Zeppelin.)

Okay, I'll also admit (sigh) that there's quite a bit of Enya on there too.

Hate it: Performers who lip-synch in concert. Boy-bands and Britney Spears come to mind. Yes, they do a lot of highly-energized choreography and, yes, it’s difficult to sing while doing that. But if you can’t sing while leaping about on stage, then don’t. Do your jumping around, then sing, but please don’t pretend you’re doing both. It’s a counterfeit performance.

Hate it: Rap and Hip-Hop “music”. I guess if you're angry, addicted to tattoos and have no ability to sing at all, then you become a Rap or Hip-Hop performer like Eminem or that Ice-Tray fellow.

Hate it: Whitney Houston: Yes, she had a nice voice (back in the 80s) but no better than thousands of other gospel choir singers. In my opinion, her biggest hit, The Greatest Love of All, was absolutely the worst song ever written. Ever. Don’t believe me?

Let's take a look at the lyrics.

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.

(A song about children. That’s nice.)
All of a sudden, it changes to:

Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me

(What? A complete change of subject. Now it's about society and herself. I guess she ran out of stuff to say about the children.)

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all

(Okay, now it’s a song for narcissistic losers to sing and feel better about themselves.)

So, there we have a mish-mash of themes with the opening bit about the children having nothing to do with the rest of the song. And what does the rest of the song entail? You just repeat the whole thing one more time, and end it.

Horrible, dreadful song-writing.

And poor Whitney. Yes, she’s had her years of drug addiction. Many of us have. Maybe she’s trying to make a come-back, but Whitney, bless her heart, has obviously passed up a few too many stopping points in her career. Here’s a recent performance as she crucifies Dolly Parton’s I Will Always Love You.

Brace yourself:



Umm, Houston. . . we have a problem. Frankly, she should have been encircled with crime-scene tape.
If Dolly Parton wasn’t the classy lady that she is, I’ll bet Whitney would be sued for millions.

Whitney, dear. A word of advice: If you're going to pass up this stopping point in your career, you might consider becoming a Rap performer.