Spiderman? The Musical?

I just saw where works are in the making to make a Broadway musical out of “Spiderman.”

Spiderman? the musical?

Isn’t that taking things a bit far? Spidey just doesn’t seem like a musical kinda guy.

I have to admit it. I don’t like musicals.

I know, I know. The fact that I don’t like musicals makes me a disgrace to My People.

And it’s not like I haven’t seen a lot of good musicals. I have. During high school, I saved all my hard-earned Dairy Queen money and paid my way to go on a theatre tour to New York two summers in a row. I’ve seen Grease, Chicago, Pippin, Shenandoah, Annie, and A Chorus Line to name a few.

In college, I was even in a production of Cabaret as a rehersal pianist. Later, I was a singing scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz. (It was a really cute musical number that was cut from the film.) Believe me, I’ve been exposed to musicals.

I love music and I love drama. I just want them separate.

Both genres are good enough that they should be able to stand alone, on their own. I love going to the theatre. It just bugs me when there’s a really good dialogue going on and all of a sudden, they break out into song. Ugh! Who does this?

Certainly not a scarecrow.

By the way, I also eat things separately, even when I was a kid. Macaroni & cheese first, then the peas, then the fish sticks, one at a time. And now: Enchiladas, then the rice then the beans.

Since they’re making a musical out of Spiderman, I think, just for fun, I’ll write a musical. It’ll be “Mommie Dearest” set to music. I think I’ll call it Christina! It will be the gayest musical ever.

Here’s an excerpt from “The Lullaby” from Christina!

Hush, little girl, Tina darling, don’t cry;
Tonight Mommie’s here to sing you a soft lullaby;
Dear Christina, my perfect daughter I adore;
Why can't it all be like it was before?. . .

Because you're a spoiled brat who acts like a whore
And when you leave coat hangers all over the floor
It makes Mommie drink, so don't you dare fuss
Because that's why your daddy left us. . .


Hey! I think I'm on to something here!