Models

I was flipping around on TV the other day and came across a fashion show.

As I watched the models slink and skulk down the runway in these really strange outfits, the creative side of my brain thought for a split second, “Oh, that’s . . . creative.”

Then the Main Part of my brain took over and thought, “That’s just . . . stupid.”

First of all, why do these models look so pissed off? You never see any of them smile one bit. It’s as if their teacher in modeling school told them, “Always look like you were just forced to eat weasel droppings and you’ll do fine."

But my biggest question is, “Do people actually wear this stuff?” Most of these high-fashion outfits are just the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen.

I’ve never seen anyone wearing these monstrosities. Sure, it’s not like I continually hang out in model-ey type of places in New York, but while living there I never saw anyone sporting these things.

You never see any movie stars wearing these ludicrous dresses on the red carpet during the Academy Awards. Can you see Meryl Streep wearing something like this?

If she did, the press would have a field day.

Here’s what I propose. . .

If any designer wants his or her creations to appear in a fashion show, that outfit must first be worn by their mothers - - - out to dinner.

And I’m not talking about a five-star restaurant in Milan or Paris.

I’m talking Applebee’s.

In Peoria.

After their moms do that, then, and only then, will their creation be revealed to the exciting world of fashion.