As Seen On TV. . .

As I’ve mentioned before, I have a strange way of sleeping at night. For years now, I’ve slept on the sofa, clothed, with the lights and TV on. Having suffered from insomnia in years past, finding a means of sleeping that works for me is quite a relief.

It may be unusual, but it works. I actually enjoy sleeping this way.

I usually leave the TV on to CNN for the night. Quite often, the news stories will work their way into my dreams which can be pretty entertaining.

Last night, my Tivo recorded something on a channel that had infomercials playing the rest of the night. If you’ve seen any of those infomercials, they’re highly influential. I have an automatic egg peeler to prove it, which by the way, was a total piece of crap.

So, the first infomercial was by this guy named Dave Espino who promised that if you buy his instructional material, you would make hundreds of thousands of dollars on eBay. Of course, you would make tons of money within the first day, you’d move into a mansion, everyone would love you and you’d end up with a sexy model on your arm as you gave lots of thumbs-up signs.

That infomercial really did a number on me as a drifted in and out of consciousness. I dreamt that I got all my friends to buy things on eBay, we all got huge checks in the mail and ended up living in a utopian society.

Get this. I almost ordered this stuff! I came so close to picking up the phone. (I wrote down the info instead and then went to pee).

I did some highly investigative research on this product this morning. (That is, I googled it along with the word “reviews”).

Are you ready for this?

It’s a huge rip-off! Imagine that. The material they send you is basically “eBay for Dummies.” Then a "coach" calls you and pressures you into becoming a super-buyer for $6,000 bucks. Several of the reviews were from people who actually fell for it and spent six thousand dollars. Plus shipping and handling.

I still wanted to buy and sell things on eBay, so I found a book on Amazon.com called "How to Buy, Sell and Profit on eBay."

Then I bought it on eBay for three bucks. Ha!

The next gizmo was a phone device called Magic Jack. It plugs into your USB port and allows you to plug a phone into that; your basic phone-by-internet, like Vonage. Only this one is so simple to use and only costs $19.95 per year for unlimited long distance. Again, you'd end up with a sexy model on your arm as well.

Again, I really wanted it while I was in my sleep stupor. What’s really bad is that I’ve had Vonage for a couple of years and hated it.

Again, I came close to ordering it, but wrote it down instead. And then I went to pee.

Are you ready for this?

It’s a huge rip-off! Imagine that. The phone only works if your computer is on. It only works if you don’t have any audio recording software on your computer. It only works if you hold your left foot six inches off the floor and if your moon is in your seventh house.

Also, the folks that ordered it were awfully pissed off that they were charged $137.95 for shipping and miscellaneous fees.

Bottom line. Don’t order anything from an infomercial. Like Judge Judy says, if it sounds to good to be true, it usually is.

The next infomercial was for a colon cleanser. . .