Pigeon Food

Okay, so I’m on this health kick, right? And I heard that flax seeds are loaded with those nice Omega 3 thingies. (For those of you who haven’t heard, we should all be consuming ten grillion milligrams of Omega 3’s ever day. Otherwise, we will have to undergo daily colonoscopies for the rest of our lives).

So, I immediately went to Whole Foods Market and procured my requisite ten grillion milligrams of flax seeds. (Ten grillion milligrams, by the way, equals “one pound”)

Feeling oh-so-healthy, I took the flax seeds home, just knowing I had warded off the dreaded daily colonoscopy. Then, they sat on my kitchen shelf for six months. How the hell am I supposed to eat flax seeds for crying out loud?

Rather than throw them down the trash chute, I decided to put them to good use.

“I’ll bet pigeons would love them,” I thought. We have LOTS of pigeons in downtown Chicago.

I scattered a handful of seeds on the sidewalk near a lone pigeon. He cocked his head, flew down and began to feast.

Apparently, pigeons have a communication device they employ and that any pigeon within a ten-mile radius can hear. This one pigeon must have sent the word out: “THERE’S FOOD HERE!!”

In less than a minute, a whole hoard of his friends swooped in from all corners of downtown Chicago. I have no more flax seeds. I missed out on my Omega 3’s.

But at least Chicago's pigeons won't have to undergo colonoscopies.