Oh. My. God!

Just when you think you've seen it all, here are some guys who are offering themselves up as "mail order husbands."

I don't imagine that there are scores of women beating down their doors.

What is really scary is that there might be some women who actually respond to these winners. Can you imagine?

Who are these women?

Anyway, ladies, here are the guys. Fasten your seatbelts:

Leonard says the ladies used to call him "Dr. Love." He admits to having some bad luck so that's why he's "looking for a good woman who's got some dough."

Apparently, no one has snatched this fellow up in two years. You can get him at half price now.
Earl, here, is "ready for love." His attributes are weekly baths.
I took one semester of German and even I can translate this guy's ad. He likes beer.
Marcus advises against drinking paint thinner. Okay.
Who does Andrew remind me of??
Oh yeah! It's Timmy from South Park!
This winner got booted off of Match.com for cyber-stalking.
He's better now. Which is what all women are looking for.
Good Lord! This guy likes candlelight dinners. How much you wanna bet he's really had one?

So, there are the guys, just waiting to be snatched up and ready to be betrothed.
Thank god the Republicans have protected "the sanctity of marriage."