Episcopalian

Last week, I officially “jumped ship” from the Roman Catholics and joined the Episcopalian church. 

For Roman Catholics, it’s pretty much an easy process – Just sign on the dotted line. The Big Main Bishop laid his hands on my head  and proclaimed me to be a member of the Anglican Communion. I then went online to have a monthly donation made to the church  and the process was complete. 

Easy Peasy.

But for me, becoming an Episcopalian was a really big deal. This is my third time at joining a Christian denomination and each time, the experience was pretty significant. Bottom line: My motives in the past were messed up.

April 1968: I was nine years old and I had been pressured for some time to make my “profession of faith” in the local Southern Baptist church. That’s where one walks down the aisle during the last hymn and says to the congregation that you’re a sinner and that you “accept the lord Jesus Christ as your savior” (I doubt that anyone  knows, theologically, what that actually means) and that you want to be baptized. I did that when I was nine. It was embarrassing  and frightening. 

June 1993: I had spent the previous year attending classes at the local parish in order to become a Catholic. I was doing this for the sole purpose of joining a monastery. I had become obsessed with monastic spirituality, (I wanted to become another Thomas Merton or St. Thérèse of Lisieux) had found a monastery to join, but the one hitch was – I needed to be Roman Catholic. 

Much like Thomas Merton, I was admitted into the monastery two months after becoming Catholic. I remained in the Order for the next seven years and came awfully close to being ordained as a priest. 

Having completed a huge amount of graduate studies in philosophy and theology, in retrospect, I realize that I idealized religious life far too much. Turns out, it was a disappointing, painful and potentially disastrous experience; much like many episodes in our lives turn out to be. 

January 2012: I had spent the past two-and-a-half years as a member of the choir at St. James (Episcopal) Cathedral and it’s been a wonderful experience. I came there having distanced myself from spirituality and having been awfully jaded by it.

Bottom line: I missed having music in my life. I came to the Episcopal cathedral hoping to join a really good choir. I found that. 

What I didn’t expect was to be nourished. 

Emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and musical enrichment became a huge part of my life because of this Episcopal church that I found two-and-a-half years ago. For that, I am truly grateful. 

In retrospect, I’ve got three years of monastic life and four years of seminary toward the priesthood behind me along with an inordinate amount of graduate theological studies. There were a few years of embracing atheism as well. 

As an Episcopalian, do I believe in God?

I don’t know. 

Philosophically, I have a great deal of trouble thinking that I can marvel at my own existence, that I can realize and create such beauty with my music, and the fact that I can love without Something-Greater-Than-I causing it.  (Consult Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas for the actual philosophical references). Could all this about me have been created without a supernatural First Cause? My training as a Catholic seminarian gave me the ability to posit these things. As an Episcopalian, I can question them. 

Do I believe in life after death?

I don’t know. 

As a Catholic, we were always led to believe in a life and consciousness after we die. I’m now free to think that, actually, I’d be very surprised to find that we exist after death; or at least in any humanly-recognizable form of existence. 

When you think about it, isn’t there something incredibly meritorious and supernatural in living our lives without the knowledge of an afterlife?

Didn’t Christ (God) experience the same emptiness and nihilism upon his death when uttering “My God, why have you forsaken me?” Did Christ do all that he did with a quid pro quo mentality?

Cannot we enter into a solidarity with Christ by not expecting a reward? Are we brave enough to do this?

Why does such horrible affliction exist among the innocent?

I don't know.

During my years in religious life, I wrestled for so long with that “ultimate” question as to why there is so much unjustified affliction in this world. There was never an “answer” to why it exists. I can often only hang my head to the horror if it all.  But the best response I could ever come up with was to develop an observation of my own; 

An unlimited amount of supernatural beauty exists and can be discovered when one finds solidarity with the God (Christ) who chose to experience the affliction and annihilation to which we humans are continually shown.

That statement above pretty much distills all the insights I've gleaned so far. If I had to submit a "Credo", that would be it. 

I still love the visions of the 20^th century philosopher, Simone Weil (1909-1943). I’ll paraphrase her thought: 

“In the beginning, God was all that existed and there was nothing but Himself:  . . . Perfection. 

Therefore, God’s greatest act of love was to create something outside Himself."

The journey continues. . . .

Peace and love, my friends.

In the Land of Mary Todd Lincoln

I'm in Springfield for the next three days. The staff meeting went well. The staff likes me. They really like me!

The pastries I ordered didn't show up, but the concierge was a good concierge and remedied the situation right away.

I'm going to be soooo busy with this conference the entire time. I got up at 5:45 this morning, picked my boss up at 7:00, drove the 200 miles to Springfield, hosted the staff meeting, then we all had a business dinner tonight with our funding agency.

Tomorrow, I have to set up our display table, assign staff members to occupy it, attend conferences and then there's a semi-formal awards dinner tomorrow night.

Friday, is more of the same.

I was SO hoping to see the new Mary Todd Lincoln exhibit downtown while I was here. Doesn't look like I'm going to get to do that.

How sad. I love everything about that woman. She's one of the many insane, tragic women in history that I adore. (Along with Janis Joplin, Karen Carpenter, the philosopher Simone Weil, and sometimes my boss).

Really. My life would be so dull without these wonderful women. I SO want to see the fan that Mary Todd Lincoln was holding when her husband was assasinated. (It has blood on it).

She lost three of her sons when they were children, her husband was assasinated, then her only remaining son placed her in an asylum.

The woman knew of affliction.

I love the fact that she used no punctuation. (What was that about?)

I should just send my boss back on the train and stay for an extra day in Springfield.

Just me and my Mary.

I see that Sally Field is playing her in an upcoming movie about the Lincolns. Don't you think that's an excellent choice? I see another Academy Award in her future if she can pull it off, don't you?

Christianity

Today, I couldn't think of anything to write about in my usual Dave Barry/Erma Bombeck style, so I'm going to offer some views on (gasp!) Christianity.

I just read where a large Presbyterian church in Pennsylvania has split because they couldn't agree on the role of the Trinity and the inerrancy of the Biblical scriptures.

That's pretty pompous if you ask me.

Having gone to grad school in theology and philosophy for longer than I care to remember, I've got a lot of studies under my belt along these lines. I'm not an expert by any means, but I can at least claim to be educated in this area.

I first attended the University of Dallas, a private Roman Catholic institution that had an extremely conservative slant on their studies. Opus Dei was very influential and they'd have these clandestine Latin Masses quite frequently. As far as the theology faculty at U.D. was concerned, Vatican II was just a vicious rumor.

At the University of Dallas, the Bible was the inspired word of God.

Then I did most of my studies at St. Michael's College at the University of Toronto. Very progressive as all things Canadian tend to be.

At the University of Toronto, the Bible was a record of human inspiration.

I had a Jesuit professor in Toronto who taught New Testament studies. I had him for a course on the Gospel of Matthew. Regarding if what was recorded in the gospels was really what Jesus said, he'd simply say, "When you get to heaven, ask him."

I like that.

Now, having completed all these studies, I no longer adhere to Christianity the way I used to. It's changed. It's deepened in some ways because it's been challenged.

The new Christian right wing, Bush included, has made much of Christianity repugnant to me and that's kind of sad. I don't view them as Christians, but rather, Christianists.

Having studied so much theology and philosophy, I realize that there's so much we don't know about the Creator, the Un-caused Cause, if you will. I think it's pretty arrogant to make such claims as the Trinity or whether the Bible is inerrant. I certainly don't pray to God for this and that. I don't know if God intervenes in our lives; I just don't.

I think that agnosticism is, actually, highly underrated.

I do believe that we humans have a supernatural ability, given from God if you will, to make use of affliction. My favorite philosopher, Simone Weil, says it best:
"The beauty in Christianity lies not in the fact that it provides a supernatural remedy for suffering, but a supernatural use of it."

Now, I'll go along with that.
I guess you could say I'm a Christian Agnostic.

I think a lot of the "Christianists" could certainly benefit by a healthy dose of agnosticism.

The Women in my Life. Part 3: Simone Weil

Simone Weil (1909-1943) Philosopher

Astounding woman!

When I was in the monastery, I was having trouble concentrating on my graduate studies. My spiritual director, sweet, dear man, pulled out an essay by Simone Weil titled: Reflections on the Right Use of School Studies with a View to the Love of Prayer.

I was hooked. Have been ever since.

She has the most insightful answers to life's questions.

Talk about a strange cookie, Simone Weil certainly is one. Maybe that's why I like her so much.

She died of self-starvation at the age of 34 while exiled in England. She had recently been diagnosed with tuberculosis but refused to eat more than her French compatriots were being rationed during the occupation.

Whenever I ponder life's ultimate question (Why do bad things happen to good people?), I think Simone Weil comes up with the most satisfying and unique insights to these questions.

Really.

"The beauty in Christianity lies in the fact that it does not seek a supernatural remedy for suffering, but a supernatural use of it." Simone Weil.

Check her out on Wikipedia. It says it all better than I can.

I think this ends my little excursion regarding the Women in My Life. Hits to this site have dropped off quite a bit and my self-esteem just can't handle that. If things don't pick up, I'm going to be forced to talk about Britney Spears panties. Again.