The Out-Of-Towners

This past weekend, I played tour-guide to some nice folks visiting from Texas. Frankly, it was quite an eye-opener for me in many ways, for most of the things we saw and did were things I’d never done before.


I’ve lived in Chicago for ten years and haven’t been to the Sears Tower until now. (Yes, it’s the Willis Tower, I know.) Here’s a photo I took, looking through the glass floor, 103 stories down.

What an incredible experience!

Every day, I walk across the Chicago River and barely notice the tour boats. We took the river tour that also went out into Lake Michigan. Oh my goodness, what a great skyline Chicago has! Who knew?

As the boat was waiting to go through the lock (a lock? There’s a lock between the river and the lake? I didn’t know that.) a mommy-duck and six baby ducks came swimming up to our boat. Sooo cute.

I had some Sun Chips with me and began feeding them to her – she liked the cheddar flavored ones – and a seagull swooped down. In a flash, that little mommy duck’s protective instincts kicked in and she bolted two feet up out of the water, snapping at the seagull. Quacking and squawking ensued. The seagull flew off and is probably afraid to venture any closer than Gary, Indiana now.

By the way, I get seasick at the drop of a hat and managed to get pretty queasy on the lake tour. Maybe I shouldn’t eat cheddar Sun Chips while boating.

I had never been out to eat Chicago deep-dish pizza before – only had it delivered.

Even though the Cloudgate sculpture (The Bean) is across the street from my workplace, I’d never been inside of the darn thing. It was really impressive.

I probably haven’t been on the roof of my apartment building in over a year. I took them up there and the full moon was shining across Lake Michigan. What a sight!

I should go up there more often. It’s really pretty.

I really should get out more. How many nights have I had deep-dish pizza delivered and sat at home watching the Science Channel? With the blinds closed.

Who knew this was such a fantastic city to live in?

I definitely need me some more out-of-towners around here. . .

The Ledge

Today, I took some out-of-town guests sightseeing around Chicago. It was a beautiful, clear day so, of course, we went to the top of the Sears Tower. (Yes, it really is called the Willis Tower now, I know.)

Here is a pretty picture from the top. See? What a gorgeous day.

There’s a new feature at the top called “The Ledge” which is a glass box that hangs out over the side. Yes, you are actually standing on glass, 103 floors up. I thought it would be exciting and I’ve been wanting to experience this thing since it opened last year.

I began recording it with my video camera. I walked up to the edge of the glass. A huge wave of adrenaline shot through me - - and I couldn’t do it!

It was really one of the most intense experiences I’ve ever gone through. Words cannot explain how frightening this thing is. (And I’m not afraid of heights.)

The friend I was with said I was incredible pale. I don’t doubt it. I felt pale.

Here is the video of my attempt:



Well, after a few more attempts, I finally got out on The Ledge. I really did it. For twenty bucks, they will even take your photo of you and your friends. So here we are, 1,400 feet up, standing on glass.

I can't wait to do it again.

The Sears Tower

Today was a beautiful autumn Saturday. Not wanting to waste it, I decided to walk across downtown to the Sears Tower in order to visit the new glass skyboxes on the 103rd floor. I figured that with Summer being long gone, there wouldn’t be many tourists crowding the place.

I’ve really been wanting to visit this new exhibit called “The Ledge” which consists of a glass box that hangs out from the observation deck that you can stand in. I also wanted to take some videos and photos of the experience.

I charged up my camera, got up early wanting to beat the crowds, walked all the way across downtown, (after stopping at Starbucks for a cafe Americano -- I'm not an animal, after all) only to discover there was a huge, long line of folks waiting to get through security.

This was an incredibly long line and it was moving about as fast as a glacier.
There were Cro-Magnons at the front of it.

That was just to get through security. Then you had to purchase your tickets. Then you had to take the elevator to the top. I could only imagine how impossible it would be to try and get into one of the few skyboxes.

I went home.

Stupid tourists. They ruined my plans.

I think that there should be an express line to the top of the Sears Tower for the residents of Chicago. Let the tourists be tourists -- but they shouldn’t impinge on our ability to visit our city when we want to.

On second thought, I’ll go visit the Sears Tower on a cold, Chicago wintery day when it’s ten below zero -- like a REAL Chicagoan.

Sears Tower Attraction Closed

It's been a while since I wrote a satire article. This one, however, was inspired by personal experience.

Sears Tower Attraction Closed Due to Multiple Injuries

CHICAGO IL - A sudden rash of injuries has forced officials of Chicago’s Sears Tower to close its newly-opened attraction called “The Ledge”; a terrifying skybox in which tourists can stand in a glass-enclosed cubicle suspended 1,353 feet above the city sidewalks.

Within moments of its opening, emergency rooms throughout the greater Chicago area were inundated with patients, all of whom were men who had recently stood in the glass-enclosed tourist attraction.

Kyle Weinberg, 24, of nearby Skokie, Illinois, was one of the first emergency room patients to arrive at Northwestern Medical Center near the Chicago landmark. His attending physician, Dr. Selima Meyer explained:

“Mr. Weinberg’s injuries were typical of most of the tourists we treated that day. Apparently, the experience of stepping out on a glass ledge 103 stories above the ground causes some pretty intense reactions. In men, the shock is so frightening that it causes the testicles to violently retreat upwards, sometimes far within the abdominal cavity.”

“It was just horrible,” exclaimed Weinberg. “My girlfriend was just fine and didn’t know why I had suddenly buckled into a fetal position. I never want to go near the Sears Tower again.”

Dr. Meyer continued: “Once the adrenaline subsides, the testicles gradually descend. It may take awhile, but they’ll make an appearance again within a day or two.”

One of the many families visiting the new attraction on opening day was the famous Duggar Family from Arkansas who star in the popular reality TV series, 18 Kids and Counting.

Jim Bob Duggar, the father of the now-famous 18 children, was also treated by Dr. Meyer that day.

She reported, “Unfortunately, Mr. Duggar’s reaction was so acute that an otorhinologist (eyes, ears, nose and throat specialist) had to be procured for testicle retrieval. I’m afraid that The Ledge rendered Mr. Duggar completely incapable of ever fathering anymore children.”

Michelle Duggar, Jim Bob's wife, was seen pumping her fist upon hearing the diagnosis.

The Ledge had remained open for less than a week before officials were forced to close the new multi-million dollar attraction.

Tower of Terror

There will be a new tourist attraction here in Chicago this summer and it will definitely not be for the faint of heart.

The observation deck on the 103rd floor of the Sears Tower will feature a glass-enclosed box in which will hang over the edge of the observation platform.

Oh, and you’ll be able to stand in the glass box with nothing between you and the ground but 1½ inches of glass.

Here’s what it will look like:

I tried something similar to this at the CN Tower in Toronto. They have a glass floor you can stand on way up in the observation deck, 500 grillion "metres" above the ground. I thought, “Cool! I’m not afraid of heights.”

I took one step out on the glass and it took a day or two before my boy-bits descended from my throat. I couldn’t believe how frightening and intense it was.

1½ inches of glass? I don’t think so.

Sears Tower -- Gone

Oh my goodness, Chicagoans are NOT gonna like this.
At all.

London-based Willis Group Holdings announced today that they are consolidating five of their offices into the Sears Tower and will take over 140,000 square feet of the iconic building.

Are you ready for this? (Hang on). Since they will be the largest tenant of the building, they will be re-naming the Sears Tower to the Willis Tower.

. . . Ruh Roh. . .

Chicagoans will all be,
“What’chu talkin’ about, Willis!”

I’m really having a chuckle over this. I’ve already gone into my boss’s office, pointed at the Sears Tower and told her that it was soon going to be the Willis Tower.

The tallest building in North America will be the Willis Tower. Can you believe it?

Chicagoans are so attached to the names of their beloved places.
Comiskey Park
Marshall Field's

I hope someone else buys Wrigley Field and changes the name. Someone like Whole Foods Market.

“Hey, lets go see the Cubs at Whole Foods Field!”

Chicagoans would just have to move if that ever happened.

Sears Tower to Go Green

There’s talk of the Sears Tower in Chicago getting a major make-over.

The owners of Chicago’s iconic tower – who are located in New York City by the way – are talking of “greening up” the 36 year old building.

Just in case you don’t know, the Sears Tower is the tallest building in North America with its 110 stories rising 1,454 feet tall.

We’ve grown used to it’s imposing black structure, but now they’re talking about resurfacing the whole thing to silver. (It would reflect more sunlight that way and cut down on air conditioning costs, supposedly).

Frankly, I’ve never been a fan of its blocky, black structure. I think silver would look pretty cool.

And if you’re going to make it green, why not slap a bunch of giant wind turbines on top while you’re at it?

My Workplace

I took this happy-snap of the building where I work as I was leaving today.

I've always loved this building, even before I moved to Chicago.

Many folks think that the John Hancock Building is the second-tallest building in Chicago since it's 100 stories, but it's not. The Aon Center (where I work) is only 80 stories , but it's actually nine feet taller.

The Hancock, at 100 stories, is comprised of condos, whereas the Aon Center is comprised of office space. The top of the Aon Center (where I work) is nine feet taller the top of the Hancock.
A lot of people in Chicago don't know that.

They think that since the Sears Tower has 110 stories, the Hancock has a hundred stories, then since the Aon Center has only 80 stories, that it's the third tallest building in Chicago.

That is SOooo not true!
MY office building is the SECOND tallest in Chicago.
NOT the third!

The top of the Sears Tower is 1450 ft
The top of the Aon Center is 1136 ft.
The top of the Hancock is 1127 ft.