Home Again

I’m back from the four-day conference in Florida. I’m tired and I caught a cold, most likely from being packed in an airplane with lots of little kids going to-and-from Disney World.

Again, I don’t know why so many people move to Florida, for it was incredibly warm and humid the entire time I was there.

Here is a pic of the hotel we stayed in:

Notice the pretty palm trees? Palm trees, apparently, really enjoy warm, humid weather. Palm trees live in Florida. Ergo, I do not enjoy Florida.

Notice the pretty swimming pool? I did not go in the pretty swimming pool because it was outside where the warm humid weather was.

One of the main benefits of these conferences is the opportunity to “network.” That’s an activity which consists of approaching someone you absolutely have absolutely no desire to meet, make inane small talk about what you do, feign sincere interest in what they do, and trade business cards. I have 39 business cards from the trip.

Granted, I did learn a lot and did make some good connections. It wasn’t all that horrible, but I’m basically an introvert and making lots of good connections takes a lot out of me.

So, I was pretty happy to get into the little shuttle bus that took us from the hotel to the airport. However, I was seated next to Miss Extrovert from the conference who kept turning to me, wanting to talk about the conference, who she’d met, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!

And my head was screaming, “Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!

It was a wonderful plane ride back to Chicago. I wrapped my iPod around me and dozed on the plane. I love those plane rides where it’s just bumpy enough to make the plane jiggle the whole time, like rocking a baby.

Remember when you were a kid and you were walking barefoot on hot asphalt and how good it felt to make it to the cool, green grass? That’s what it felt like when I walked out of the train station back in Chicago. Dry, autumnal breezes enveloped my tired self. Sheer bliss.

I was soooo tired when I got home yesterday evening. And hungry. The first thing I did was to have Chinese food delivered. Tivo and I had a wonderful evening together along with Ginger Shrimp and Singapore noodles.

Oh, and next year’s conference is being held in Portland, Oregon.
Much better.

I'm in Florida

I’m in Florida for four days. On business, not pleasure.

I don’t know why so many people move here. “Mega-humid” doesn’t even begin to describe the weather here.

I’m in Orlando which is right in the middle of the state, but still, there is water everywhere. Alligators were snapping at the plane as we landed.

My flight left O’Hare at 7:00 am this morning which meant that I had to get up at 4:30 am. I guess that since all the school-aged kiddies are in school now, this must be the time to bring all the toddlers to Disney World, because they were ALL on my flight. It was a packed flight and there was this one toddler near me that screeched like a psychotic pterodactyl the entire time. Thank god for i-Pods.

I shouldn’t gripe about the little ones. I’m sure it’s no fun for them to travel and it must be awfully stressful for the parents who have a fussy-one during the entire flight. Us single grown-ups have our i-Pods after all.

Anyway, I’m in this awfully nice resort/hotel room for the duration. Here’s a pic from my room which looks right out over the Disney complex; much like you see on the commercials. However, it’s been rainy and stormy all day. I have no desire to go anywhere near the Disney thing. But I can’t imagine anything more disappointing than being a little kid and having a Disney trip rained out, even for one day. For their sake, I’m praying for sunshine.

I'm being snooty

On Sunday, I’m off to Orlando for a business doo-dah for four days.

I SO don’t want to go. The place we’re staying is right in the middle of the Disney World Nightmare Complex and that SO doesn’t appeal to me.

I’m being snooty.

It’s not that bad. I even enjoy the solitude of flying on long trips now that God invented i-Pods. That, combined with a really good book is actually something I look forward to.

I'm not looking foward to that silly aspect of "networking" for four days, though. I'm pretty much an introvert and bullshitting with people I don't know or care about takes a lot out of me.

But who knows? I might meet Mr. Right. (Mr. Inappropriate would even be okay.)
You never know.

A friend of mine suggested that I visit the Epcot center while I’m there. Apparently, it has all these exhibits from foreign countries that make you feel like you were really in Paris or Rome, etc.

That doesn’t appeal to me at all. (I’m being snooty again). I would still know that it was icky-sticky Florida with its alligators and mosquitoes nearby. The whole state of Florida just seems “fake” to me. Same goes for California. There’s just no way I’d feel like I was in Paris.

Why couldn’t this conference be held someplace civilized, like Boston? Or Seattle? Seattle is just as far from everything else as Orlando. Seattle doesn’t have alligators. And there are people I love and miss very much in Seattle.

Maybe a hurricane will appear and I won’t have to go.

I'm Lovin' It

What is McDonald’s slogan?

“I’m lovin’ it.”

You might want to re-think it when you read this article. Apparently, some McDonald’s workers were using a plastic bucket marked “Soiled Towels Only” to refill a milkshake machine. A customer noticed it, took a pic with her cell phone and reported it to the local news station in Orlando. She also reported it to McDonald’s headquarters. She and the local news station received different responses from McDonald’s.

Now McDonald's has three flavors of milkshakes:
Vanilla
Chocolate
Mildew

But, you wanna know what one of the most unsanitary things you can encounter?

Holy water.

Think about it. You’ve got this little pool of water, sometimes with a wet sponge in it, with hundreds of folks dipping their fingers in it. Folks that have used the subway or bus on their way to church, picked their noses, gone to the toilet, and then dipped their fingers in there. I’d hate to think what the bacteria count is in that stuff. A restaurant inspector would shut down the church so fast it would make the priest's head spin like Linda Blair.

I was the sacristan for three years while in the monastery. One of the duties, other than being a glorified altar-boy, was to keep the holy water font supplied with holy water. We kept the holy water in a gallon-sized glass bottle and when it would get low, I’d fill it with tap water and a priest would bless it. (That’s how holy water becomes holy).

The idea of all those folks dipping their nasty, grubby fingers in there really got to me. So, after the priest did his thing, I did mine. . . .

I’d add a good-sized glurp of Clorox bleach to the jug holy water.

The priest may have made it holy, but damnit, I kept it sanitary.

So, when you go to mass, you might want to keep your hands out of that nasty, filthy holy water.
Really.