I Don't Mean To Be Ugly. . .

During a recent sermon, the dean of the cathedral I attend was telling us about her granddaughter who is eight years old. Her granddaughter had been born and raised in Seattle, until recently, when her family moved to Alabama.

Rev. Grandma was wondering if the child would develop a Southern accent.

Her granddaughter was up here visiting during Christmas break and everything was going great. But, as with most kids, they’re going to have a meltdown at some point. The child was upset about something, approached her grandmother and said in a perfect Southern accent:

“I don’t mean to be ugly,
but I’m about to have a come-apart.”

Don’t you just love that? A “come-apart.”

And in true Southern belle fashion, she used her manners to explain that she “didn’t mean to be ugly.” No doubt, she had heard from someone down there in Alabama that it’s not pretty to lose one’s temper. It’s unbecoming, especially for a young lady.

I got to thinking about her little phrase:

I don’t mean to be ugly
But I’m about to have a come-apart.

While I’m normally a very easy-going person, sure, there have been a few times I’ve had a ‘come-apart’ with someone. I’ve always regretted it.

How much better it would have been to have averted such nastiness with:

I don’t mean to be ugly
But I’m about to have a come-apart.

I can think of one horrible, mean boss I had over 20 years ago. With him, I should have said something like,

I don’t mean to be ugly,
But you’re about to cause a come-apart.

But just think how much better this world would be if we all used this little girl’s civil discourse. Rather than, “You lie!” or “Baby killer!” they had simply said,

Madame Speaker, I don’t mean to be ugly,
But I’m about to have a come-apart.

I just love that phrase. I really do.

It almost makes me want to have kids just so that I can use it on them.