My Secret Pastime

I’m going to admit something here that I’ve never told anyone before.

No one.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit this – but here goes. . .

. . . I like The Andy Griffith Show and watch it just about every day.

There. I said it.

The Andy Griffith Show really does remind me in a lot of ways of my little bitty home town in Texas where I grew up. The people in both Mayberry and my LBHT led simple lives, everyone knew each other’s business, and it was a really big deal for Mayberrians to travel to the big city of Raleigh just like it was for us to travel to Houston.

But one thing I’ve noticed about the characters on Andy Griffith is that they seem to have an aversion to telling anyone what they really think. In just about every episode, they seem to go out of their way in order to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings with simple honesty.

That bugs me.

Why can’t the nice people of Mayberry just come out with it and say:

Aunt Bee, no one likes your homemade pickles. They’re terrible.

Andy, just drop it with the fake Southern accent. No one else in Mayberry talks that way. Not even your son, Opie.

Andy, where in the world did you come up with that stupid name ‘Opie’?

Goober, for crying out loud, you’re only 30 years old. Stop wearing your pants up around your nipples.

Floyd, get some medication for your Attention Deficit Disorder.

Howard, just come out of the closet already. Even Opie says you throw a baseball like Aunt Bee. (He really said that in one episode.) The jig is up, Howard. We know.

Miss Crump, for God’s sake, put away those hideous fake eyelashes.

Opie, just once, would you act like a real kid and have a meltdown? You’re going to explode.

Clara, you’re a nosy busybody and no one really likes you. Stay home and don’t ever come over again.

Barney, you’re a useless twit and we have no idea how you got to be a deputy.

That’s what I wish they’d say. But they won’t.

Andy and Opie just keep fishing while Howard keeps up with his weekly business trips to Raleigh.