Friday, April 10, 2009

Thank God It's Good Friday

One of the things I’ve always wondered about was what Jesus’ last words on the cross actually were. It seems to be different in all four of the gospels. For those who demand that the Bible be taken literally, it takes some pretty good exegetical acrobatics to get around this one.

Here’s how I imagine it all went down on that Friday afternoon in 33 a.d.

Matthew: (looking up at the cross) What’s he saying? Did he say something?

Luke: I don’t know. Nothing yet.

John: It’s been three hours now. I’m hungry.

Mark: All I’ve got are these marshmallow peeps.

Jesus Christ: “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”

Luke: Wow! Those are great last words! I’m gonna write that down.

Mark: Now what am I gonna write in my gospel?

Luke: I dunno. I got dibs on that ‘into your hands’ bit. I called it.

Matthew: Hey wait. I don’t think he’s finished.

JC: (mumbling) ‘Eloi, Eloi. Lama sabachthani. . . .”

John: What? What was that?

Mary: It’s Aramaic, you fool!

Matthew: Oh yeah. That’s from Psalm 22. It means ‘My god, my god, why have you forsaken me?’

Mark: Excellent. I got dibs!

Matthew: My Jewish congregation would really relate to that one. Mark, you keep it in Aramaic. I’m gonna write it down in Greek.

Mark: Works for me.

John: Is that it? What about me?

Matthew: Hey. What’s that bunny doing here? That’s the second time I’ve seen it hopping around.

Luke: Beats me. Hey, where’d all those colored eggs come from?

Mark: Wait! He’s about to say something?

Matthew: Again? Really?

JC: (sighing) “It is finished.”

John: That’s all I get for my gospel? That’s it?

Matthew: I’m afraid that’s it, dude.

Mark: Ssshhh! He’s about to say some more!

JC: (smiling) “Hey. I can see my house from up here!”

Thomas: Cool! That’s going down in my gospel.

Matthew: Yeah, good luck with that one, Tom.

Luke: Listen guys, I've got to get to choir practice. For some reason, we're doing the Hallelujah chorus on Sunday morning. I'm already sick of that piece.

Mark: Fine. Let’s go hunt some of these colored eggs. They seem to be hidden everywhere . . .

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7 Comments:

At 10:33 PM , Blogger Barb said...

Okay ~ That was just wrong! Really funny but really really wrong!

 
At 7:02 PM , Blogger Pati Mc said...

LMAO...you just turned Jesus into Sarah Palin???? OMG dude, you are so fried.

I know I should be insensed by this, but all I can do is chuckle. Frankly, I think it is positively brill. =) Easter eggs and a bunny at the crucifixion? Ha ha ha ha.

 
At 8:42 PM , Blogger MaryRuth said...

blasphemously awesome!

 
At 1:39 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

LOL! Dude, you crack me UP! :) :)

 
At 2:24 PM , Blogger jp said...

That "I can see my house from here" is probably my all-time favoritest joke.

 
At 11:59 AM , Blogger Jan and Doug said...

Peter: "Is there any Diet Coke left?"
Thomas: "I doubt it."
Paul: "I could go for a beer."
John: "Me too. Maybe later."
Mary: "Would you guys shut up."
Peter: "Can we smoke up here?"
Mark: "Do you have to?"
Peter: "Oh boy! Here we go!"
Mark: "I'm just saying.."
Peter: "You're always saying."
Mary: "Shut up!"
Paul: (whispering) "Did you hear about Judas?"
John: "No. What?"
Paul: "He hung himself."
Peter: "Get outta town!
Andrew: "He was a knob."
Peter: "He was weird for sure."

 
At 4:59 PM , Blogger John said...

naughty you.....naughty me for giggling...

 

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