Braving the Banter Gauntlet

I’ve been in the same apartment for four years now and it’s definitely been the most favorite place I’ve ever lived.

That is, until the problem arose with my neighbor last year. She’s become a binge-smoker and her acrid, stale cigarette smoke makes its way into my apartment though the ventilation system that we both share.

It’s gone on for over a year now and all attempts at remedying the situation have proven fruitless. So, I’m moving.

Like I said, I love my apartment, especially the view. I’ll have a very nice view in my new apartment, but it won’t be the same.

I got to thinking about the pros and cons of moving to a different place. Mind you, I’m only moving from the west tower of Marina Towers to the east one; and from the 49th floor to the 50th.

As I noted all the positives, there was one I forgot. . .

. . . I won’t have to deal with this one particular doorman anymore.

He’s there every day when I come home from work and he’s ever-so friendly. Too friendly. I can’t seem to get into the elevator without him launching into his “banter mode” as I call it.

How does it go? Here’s an example:

“Welcome home! How was your day? I’ve got the door for ya! Come on! Let’s see a smile there! It’s not that bad now that your day’s over with! You kick your feet up now and enjoy your evening, okay? . . . Alright!”

Oh my goodness! I just don’t know how to respond to such a barrage of greetings.

A simple nod on his part would suffice. Really.

I’ve found myself at times going in through a different entrance that uses a card-key rather than braving the “banter gauntlet.”

I really am a friendly guy, but after a long day at work I'd really prefer not having to respond to such an enthusiastic onslaught.

I’ve also thought about being a total snurd and telling the guy that I suffer from an acute form of “social anthrophobia” (fear of people) and would really appreciate it if he could just quietly let me in the door whenever I come in.

But I didn’t. His intentions really are in the right place. As a matter of fact, Miss Healthypants seems to like the guy.

So, after I plunked down my security deposit, I told Mister Mouth that I would be moving into the East Tower. (I have to admit, I enjoyed informing him of that).

Now, ever since then, I get a different greeting:

“Welcome home! How was your day! I’ve got the door for ya! So, you can’t leave us for the East Tower! C’mon! You know you don’t want to leave the West Tower! You know we’re the best here in the West! Okay, you enjoy your evening now. . . .”

Sheesh!