Finger Food

I love to eat. Yes, I enjoy food.

But I’ve always had this strange aversion to eating anything with my fingers. It’s always got to be with eating utensils.

I love KFC but always forget that they only have “sporks” there to eat with. You can’t eat fried chicken with a flimsy little spork, for crying out loud.

Pizza, French fries, hamburgers, egg rolls all get eaten with knives and forks; never with my hands or fingers.

Popcorn gets eaten with a spoon or using a latex glove.

You know that shivering feeling you get down your spine when you hear someone scratching their fingernails against a chalk board? That’s the feeling I get when I even see someone eating with their fingers, especially if it’s something greasy.

I hate KFC commercials because (OH MY GOD!) they're always showing people picking up drumsticks with their fingers. Don’t get me even started on those honey barbecue wings. I have to turn my head.

I remember growing up and at the breakfast table averting my eyes when I’d see my brother eating a biscuit, the butter oozing onto his fingers.

Miss Healthypants and I were looking at family photos last night. She thought this photo of me at my second birthday was cute.

Most two-year olds would dive right in to a cake. Not me. I’m gingerly picking at it, pinky up in the air. I probably requested a fork at that point and made a critical remark about the frosting.