Rules to live by

Last night, I had to attend one of those horrid business “networking” functions at the Hyatt Regency. This function lasted from 4:00 to 7:00 pm and was strictly for networking with other business.

My boss was there, so I really had to “work the floor” for three solid hours. Definitely not my favorite thing to do.
I can do it, but I don’t like it.

I noticed that lots of people were really jovial, unusually ebullient and friendly. Hey, that’s nice, I was thinking. Lots of people were coming up to me rather than me forcing myself to them in order to “schmooze” and do the perfunctory business-card trade.

Then I noticed why everyone was so outgoing - - -
It was an “open bar” event.

Well, that explains it.

I hadn’t noticed the “open bar” because I have a strict rule about never drinking at a work function. I just don’t. I’ve learned, through experience, not to do that.

I have some other rules concerning work that I’d like to pass on. I think they’re pretty good rules to follow and have served me well over the years.
My experience has taught me:

1. Never have more than one drink with your boss.

2. Attach the attachments to emails FIRST. Then write the email. NEVER use the "Reply All" function.

3. When talking to employees that you supervise, pretend that your boss is listening.

And puppies, the most important one is:

4. Don’t get laid where you get paid.

There. I’ve passed my hard-learned experience on to you. It will serve you well.