The Dating Game

I remember as a young teenager, feigning sickness many times and getting to stay home from school and watch TV all day. My mom was a single mother and pretty didn’t have much time to deal with whether or not I was actually sick, so I got to stay home if I didn’t feel quite up to par.

I’d watch mostly game shows: The Price is Right, The Newlywed Game and one of my favorites was The Dating Game. Do any of you remember that goofy game show?

You had a young, hip single “bachelorette” who would ask a series of questions to three young, hip, single bachelors for about ten minutes. She couldn’t see them, and inevitably, there would be two good-looking guys that resembled J.C. Penny models along with one Horrible Dork. It was up to the young, hip, single, bachelors to impress her as much as possible with their answers. They'd be verbal peacocks.
It was revolting.
I loved it.

A typical dialog went something like this:

Bachelorette: “Bachelor number one, if you and I were stranded on a desert island, what two items would you have brought with you and why?”

Bachelor: “Oooo, baby, for you? ‘Cause you sound so far-out and groovy and I really dig your. . .

Bachelorette: (cutting him off) “Bachelor number two. Same question.”

Bachelor: “Oooo, darlin’ cause your so sweet, I’d bring some salt and vinegar to ‘cause I just wouldn’t be able to handle all your sweetness!”

It would go on like this for several rounds. Then she’d make her selection. But first, she had to meet the two bachelors she passed up.

Then the host, Jim Lange, would give a brief bio of each guy and he’d come out to meet the bachelorette. They’d smile, hug, he’d give her a little peck on the cheek and stand aside.

Of course, she never chose the two J.C.Penny model look-alikes. No, it was always the Horrible Dork. He’d come bounding out and we’d get to see the look of dismay on her face. Of course, he’d give her a bear-hug and ram his tongue down her esophagus as a greeting.

Then, the two contestants got their prize which was always a romantic, weekend stay for two at some un-disclosed destination. This was always the best part because they never knew where they were about to be sent.

Jim Lange would build up the excitement and announce: “You and your date are about to be sent on a romantic, fun-filled vacation for two to . . . "

…..And they’d look at him, wide-eyed and full of anticipation

“. . . . Fargo, North Dakotaaaaahhhhh” (it was always someplace really lame)

Then they’d look at each other, mouths agape in ecstasy, hug and rock back and forth.
Every contestant would always hug and rock back and forth. I don’t know why.

Jim Lange would always announce the name of the city like that: St. Paul, Minnesotaaahhhh . . . Columbus, Ohioooooohhhh”

It was always someplace lame, but to me, watching this in small-town Texas, I’d be thinking, “Oh, my gosh! I would love to go to Fargo, North Dakota!”

Occasionally, they’d have a celebrity on the show. One time, the bachelorette was Karen Carpenter who, I doubt, ate any of the nibbles provided in the green room.

Take a look on her face when she finds out that she and her Horrible Dork are going away on a fun-filled, romantic weekend to . . . . Roanoke, Virginiaaaaahhhh!

I wonder what kind of a date she turned out to be.

I’ll bet it was on that weekend that she wrote, “Goodbye to Love.”