Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Wednesday's Whinings -- Urinals

I have to go on a business trip and will be away in Springfield on Wednesday and Thursday. I don't have a laptop for work just yet (I just ordered nine of them for me and my staff) and I didn't want to miss out on my Wednesday's Whinings segment, so I'm posting it today.
Recently, I was in a restroom and had a wonderful experience. (That sounds funny). There were partitions between each of the urinals.
Believe me, there are no men, gay or straight, who enjoy peeing shoulder-to-shoulder next to each other. The urinals are placed within six inches of each other and if it's a crowded restroom, like in an airport, you're forced to stand there next to your fellow man and try to pee away.
We don't like it. We hate it.
Well, except when I was five and would pee on the side of the house with my younger brother, but other than that, guys don't enjoy peeing near one another.
The partitions between the stalls are a wonderful idea. If I were King of the World, urinal partitions would be mandatory. Men all over the world would cheer, rejoice, and pee merrily away.
Sports stadiums have got to be the worst. There, you have five hundred guys who have all consumed huge quantities of beer and then line up at a 100-yard-long stainless steel trough. Thank god for inebriation.
And what's with these guys that pee all over the floor in public restrooms? There it is, below the urinal, the floor all spattered with mishaps. What do these guys do at home? You'd think that after peeing several times a day every day, they'd acquire some modicum of control over where they aim.
But no. They apparently just let it fly, willy nilly, unabated and uncontrolled, in any old direction.
(And women are just as disgusting, even more so. I remember checking on the women's restroom when I was a restaurant manager. Oh. My. God! What they do with feminine products is truly ghastly.) There should be a sign in the women's stalls: "Please remain seated until the performance is finished."
So, yes, partitions between the urinals would be a good thing. I'm sure every guy would agree with me.
I have to go pee now.


At 6:36 PM , Blogger Iwanski said...

Nothing beats peeing outside.

At 11:38 PM , Blogger Kyle said...

When the hell where you pissing in a sports stadium?

At 1:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have my vote for King of the World. I've been asking for those urinal partitions forever.

At 10:11 PM , Blogger Jon said...

Kyle, the last time I was in a sports stadium was the Astrodome. I was fifteen. Our high school band was playing there with a gillion other high school bands.
Very geeky.


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