Friday, January 19, 2007

Subway Drama

Okay, the other day I'm on the Red Line train going south from Belmont into downtown. (For those of you not from Chicago, the Red Line train is elevated at the Belmont station and then it scoots underground after that.)

There are these two women seated in front of me and they have really loud booming obnoxious voices. They're obnoxious because they're continually talking about their "m*f* boyfriend, and what that m*f* did and how he's not gonna f*kn let that m*f* do that to me, no m*f* way! And if he thinks he can f*k w/me he can kiss my m*f*n ass . . . . "
Okay, got the idea??

They were really obnoxious. And this conversation was going on way too long.

When I'm on public transit and I encounter someone as obnoxious as that, my motto is usually, "Be more obnoxious." Or rather, give them at taste of their own medicine.

So . . . .

I got a very pronounced case of Turret's Syndrome. (Keep in mind that I was seated right behind them) About every fifteen seconds, I'd just let out an incredibly loud half-second screech. "Eeeeeep!!!"

Within two stops, the women got spooked and moved into the next forward car.

Problem solved.

God, I love doing that.

By the way, I'm not exaggerating, I really did this!

11 Comments:

At 2:41 PM , Anonymous the neighbor said...

That is really brilliant - well done! I'm noting this technique for the future and can't wait to use it myself.

XO the nayb

 
At 10:11 PM , Blogger Red7Eric said...

You're my hero.

And yes, I played the baritone horn, but only because I was so musically inclined (inclined to be a band geek, that is) that I joined the 6th grade "Beginner's Band" when I was in the 5th grade, and the only instrument that no one else wanted to play was the baritone horn. The next year, I had to join "Beginner's Band" again, so I went for the saxophone, despite the fact that my mother told me to stick with the baritone because if no one wanted to play it, it might be worth a scholarship one day.

Mothers are silly.

 
At 11:28 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Absolutely classic!

 
At 3:57 PM , Anonymous Antony said...

Classic indeed. That is m*F* brilliant. :)

 
At 8:49 PM , Blogger Red said...

That's AWESOME! It is now noted so I can use it on the metro here in DC.

 
At 12:23 AM , Blogger Red said...

I loved this so much I had to link to you in a special post.
Thanks

 
At 11:24 AM , Blogger Law-Rah said...

Came to you from Red. You might just be my new hero!

 
At 3:37 PM , Blogger Jon said...

Lorraine, when you're here visiting in Chicago, I'll be glad to demonstrate this technique to you. It'll be fun.

 
At 5:51 PM , Blogger Lickety Split said...

I am embarassed to say that about 17 years ago when I was in college a religious fanatic accosted me in the parking lot of my local grocery store.

In a spontaneous and politically incorrect moment, I mimicked a deaf person speaking and faux-signed "I can't hear you"

 
At 7:32 PM , Blogger Jon said...

Lickety-split -- good for you! Religious fanatics should stay out of parking lots and in their revival tents where they belong. Just like God intended.

 
At 10:16 PM , Anonymous Lugosi said...

I have found that peeing my pants works just as well.

 

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