"Happy New Year" is offensive!
It's December 31st. If someone wishes me "Happy New Year" one more time, I'm going to crumble into the floor just like the Wicked Witch of the West when Dorothy threw water on her. You see, "Happy New Year" is horribly offensive to those whose new year begins on a date other than January 1st. The Chinese comprise well over a one-sixth of the world population and their new year doesn't begin until January 29th. We should still be wishing "Happy Holidays!"
I just can't take all this offensive behavior anymore. It's just too much.