Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Gay Marriage Advocates Adopt Gingrich as Poster-Boy

When I find something so hypocritical, so outrageous (such as Newt Gingrich coming out against same-sex marriage and announcing that he'll run for president) I find that writing satire is my favorite approach.
Here you go. . .

Gay Marriage Advocates Adopt Gingrich as Poster-Boy

BOSTON MA - In a move that has taken many conservatives by surprise, gay marriage advocates have begun a “Save Marriage” campaign that addresses the fifty percent divorce rate in the U.S. Subsequently, they have identified GOP presidential hopeful, Newt Gingrich, as an example of those threatening the sanctity of marriage by participating serial adultery and divorce.

“Gingrich is the poster-boy for hypocrisy, especially when it comes to marriage, ethics, and fidelity,” remarked Gary Busek, legal director for Gay & Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD), a leading organization advancing the cause for marriage equality.

Gingrich divorced his first wife, Jackie Battley, his former high school geometry teacher, in 1980 after having an affair with Marianne Ginther. According to Battley, he visited her while in the hospital recovering from cancer to discuss their impending divorce. Gingrich married Ginther six months after the divorce was final but later began an affair with House of Representatives staffer, Callista Bisek, who is 23 years younger. In 2000, Gingrich married for a third time soon after he obtained his second divorce.

Busek cited the fact that when Gingrich and his soon-to-be third wife were having an affair, Gingrich was also a leader in the Republican investigation of President Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Gingrich, a long-time opponent of same-sex marriage, has often stated that marriage should only be “between one man and one woman.”

"But for Newt, I guess that means one man, one woman, then have an affair, then marry one woman, then have another affair, then marry one woman,” replied Busek.

Gingrich converted to Roman Catholicism after his second divorce and immediately obtained annulments to his first two marriages. “Is that any way to promote the sanctity of marriage?” questioned Busek.

“Our goal is to bring some dignity back to the state of marriage in the U.S.” stated Evan Wolfson, founder of Freedom to Marry. “And we’ve already accomplished that in Massachusetts.”

Same-sex marriages have been taking place in Massachusetts since May 2004. “Since then, the divorce rate for same-sex couples is eight times lower than that of heterosexual couples. Eight times lower!” said Wolfson, citing the Massachusetts Bureau of Statistics.

“Obviously, gays are on to something that Gingrich should be emulating.”

“I can’t fault Gingrich for everything,” he admitted. “After all, he began his first affair with his geometry teacher at the age of sixteen. His lifelong history of self-serving behavior stands as a testament to the damage that is done when under-age kids are recruited into this sort of lifestyle.”

“Obviously, Gingrich and countless other heterosexuals are free to enter into as many marriages as they want,” sighed Wolfson.

“We, on the other hand, just want one.”

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At 9:33 PM , Blogger Rainey said...

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

At 11:23 AM , Blogger Bob said...

It must be nice to be hetero, and get married, and schtup around on her, then divorce her and marry again, and schtup around some more, then divorce her and schtup around some more, and then marry again and become Catholic so you can pretend the first two marriages, and two cases of adultery, don't exist.


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