That's What I Need

I sing in a choir at the Episcopal cathedral in downtown Chicago. You may not know this, but the Episcopal church gets its name from the Greek "episkopos", meaning "bishop". That makes sense, because it seems in the Episcopal church, there are all varieties and levels of bishops; insignificant, little-bitty bishops, medium bishops, and Huge Important Bishops.

Yesterday at church, the Ultimate, Supreme, No-Ifs-Ands-Or-Buts Bishop was ordaining a new priest. You could tell that Really Important Stuff was going on because the bishop was wearing his pointy hat thing and carrying a very ornamental crosier in his left hand. (That's the curled, staff-like thing that they hold while doing Really Important Stuff.) Here's a photo of a bishop holding a crosier:

When the bishop would process to do something Really Important, like reading the gospel, consecrating the elements, or ordaining the new priest, he'd grab that crosier and carry it along.

I watched him from the choir loft, carrying out his regal duties, and I thought, "That's what I need. I need me a crosier. A crosier is what's missing in my day-to-day activities."

I need a crosier to carry when I walk to and from Whole Foods Market to shop for groceries, especially when making a Julia Child recipe. An acolyte to incense the path in front of me wouldn't be bad either. Julia deserves such respect.

Wouldn't it be cool to carry a crosier when you're walking in procession to the gate of your departing flight? I'd bet American Airlines would think twice before bumping me and my crosier from a scheduled flight.

Carrying a crosier at work would give my job a little more panache. I could use it when I walk down the hall to make photocopies. Maybe if I had a crosier to carry when I went to the gym, I'd go more often.

But where does one obtain a crosier?
Is there a place like "Crosiers R Us"? Maybe there should be.

Next time the Big Bishop is there doing his bishoppy things, I'll ask him where I can pick one up.