Thursday, May 20, 2010

Unhappy Ending

My case of plantar fasciitis is flaring up again. My foot hurts real bad.

A friend of mine who’s a medical professional recently told me that she experienced a lot of relief after having one of those really intense Chinese foot massages. That sounded appealing to me. I’ve found myself rubbing my foot and thinking that a really tough foot massage would rub the fasciitis right outta my plantar.

So, last night I googled “Chinese foot massage Chicago” and up popped lots of results.

Hey, neat!

Most of the establishments had customer reviews, too. Here was one nearby with a good review.
“Clean surroundings”. . .
good. . .
“very professional staff” . . .that’s nice . . .
“be sure to request the happy ending” . . .hey,
what???

No! I don’t want ‘happy ending’! Eeew.

Let’s see. . .oh, here’s another one with a good review. . . .

“The massage therapist really knew what she was doing” . . .
oh, that sounds good. . . .
"very reasonably priced" . . .
okay, that's good, too. . .
. . . “the happy ending cost just a little extra”

Oh Jesus, sweet Christ! MAKE IT STOP WITH THE HAPPY ENDINGS!

The google kept hurling happy endings at me, right and left. It was horrible.

I just want my foot massaged. Just one of them. I don’t want anyone even remotely near my happy ending.

I don’t even like movies with happy endings. Boy-meets-girl. There’s a conflict. It gets resolved and they ride off into the sunset. Boo! I want to hear about a real love story: Boy-meets-girl. They move in together too soon. It ends in a protective-and-child-support order.
That’s a movie. No happy ending!

Isn’t there a way to google something and have it not show anything with a specified search-term? Like, “Chinese foot massage [-happy ending] Chicago”.

I would try that, but I’m on my lunch hour at work. It probably wouldn’t be conducive to my career advancement to be entering “happy ending” as a search term in any form on my work computer.

Is there such thing as a foot massage with an unhappy ending?

2 Comments:

At 6:18 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

LOL! :) This was funny, dude...because it's true. :)

 
At 9:24 PM , Blogger jp said...

Literal LOL.

 

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