Saturday, January 14, 2006

God Smotes Pat Robertson Over Intelligent Design

Having grown increasingly annoyed with Pat Robertson's campaign to remove the teaching of evolution from the classrooms, God finally had enough of the televangelist's arrogance and smoted him yesterday.

"It's very rare that I actually smote anyone these days, but this idiot's had it coming for a long time, really," reports The Almighty.

Robertson has been the leading proponent of "intelligent design" with claims that certain forms in nature are so complex that they are best seen as the handiwork of a designer rather than produced by the Darwinian theory of natural selection. Last month, Robertson came under fire after he claimed that the citizens of Dover, Pennsylvania might incur the wrath of God after voting to continue teaching the scientific theory of evolution in its public schools.

“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city,” Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, “The 700 Club.”
“And don’t wonder why he hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for his help because he might not be there,” he said.

Most recently, Robertson alluded to the fact that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's recent stroke was caused by God's vengeance for Israel's retreat from the Gaza strip.

"Can you believe this guy?" exclaimed God. "Here, I fashion this wonderful means of creation called 'evolution' where consistent goodness and progression can continue into infinity and this durf-wad has the gall to attach the human quality of 'intelligence' to it. He was just itching for a good old-fashioned smoting."

God continues: "Didn't this bozo ever study Aristotle's concept of the 'Uncaused Cause?' Aristotle pretty much nailed it with that one but this arrogant know-it-all demands that everyone pigeon-hole My Ways as science. Jesus! It's philosophy. Take a course, buddy."

God sighed and gathered his thoughts. " Someone just had to put this guy in his place."

Due to the recent smoting, Robertson's brain has devolved into that of a learning-disabled Cro-Magnon.


At 9:24 PM , Blogger Iwanski said...

I don't think it really devolved then.


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