UFOs

Okay, my recent post was about Bigfoot, so today I thought I’d talk about UFOs.

Do I think they exist? Sure. There are lots of unidentified flying objects. I see them outside my apartment window all the time.

They’re flying.
And I don’t know what they are.

Most of the time, I can bet that they're probably American Airlines passenger jets, two hours late getting into O’Hare. That can be a safe assumption.

But the real question is, are there extra-terrestrial alien aircraft flying around here on our planet.

I don’t know.

First of all, our little human minds cannot even begin to comprehend how utterly far away another inhabitable planet would be from Earth. Hell, I have a hard time just trying to realize how far Peoria is from Chicago. (I have to go there on Monday and I normally don't venture outside a five-block radius in downtown Chicago).

I don't know why aliens would come here. If they have the technology to travel such distances, don't you think their own planet would be a lot more interesting than Earth?

Sort of like downtown Chicago compares to Peoria.

If they did land here, here's how I imagine their conversation would go:

Zork: “Hey! Look at those Earthlings. They’re at it again.”

Xron: “What. The republican lawmakers? Again?

Zork: “Yep. Another one says he’s not gay but then picks up a call-boy in a naughty video store.”

Xron: “Eeewww! The last one tried that in a men’s restroom. In Minneapolis.”

“I know! Why can’t they do it like normal gay guys, like meeting for a latte at Starbucks?”

“I love Starbucks! Have you tried their chai tea latte? It’s to die for.”

“You should try their pumpkin mocha cappuccino. They only sell it during the Autumn months, you know.”

“That sounds great. You got some time?”

“Yeah, we don’t have to be back at the mother-ship for another hour.”

“OOooo. And I have a gift certificate someone from work gave me.”

UFOs

I have to admit it, I'm a big fan of all the UFO documentaries on TV. If there's a program about UFOs on the Science Channel, National Geographic Channel, Discovery Channel and the like (I call them my "Geek Channels"), my Tivo knows that I love that stuff and will record it for me.

It also records Judge Judy and anything with Margaret Cho, but that's another story.

I'm sure there are countless civilizations way more advanced than ours throughout the universe. Our little human minds can't even begin to fathom how vast the universe is, so we've no business even thinking for a moment that we're the only ones around.

If aliens are coming here then they've obviously got brains way more advanced than ours. The nearest solar systems are hundreds of light years away. One light year is 5,878,625,373,184 miles. That takes some mighty advanced know-how to travel that far.

So why the hell are they going to New Mexico of all places? Have you ever been to New Mexico? I've driven across it a couple of times and it's pretty boring. Aside from the fact that everything's made of adobe and there's a few tasty places to eat, there's not a lot going on there.

If I was traveling 98 quadrillion miles, I'd want to visit somewhere a little more interesting like, I dunno, New York perhaps? Take in a Broadway show? Stay at the Plaza?

But no. Our alien friends have yet to be seen there. They seem to favor New Mexico and small villages in Siberia instead.

I can just see it, a dinner party back on planet Gork:

"Hey Zontar, you guys went to Earth last year, didn't you? We were thinking of going to Paris for our vacation this time."

"Oh no! Paris is crawling with tourists and the Euro is sky high right now. Go to Roswell! It's just gorgeous this time of year!"

"Whaddya think, honey. Shall we take the kids to Roswell instead? . . Yeah?. . . Then, Roswell it is!"

"But whatever you do, don't drink the water."

Sort of makes you wonder. . .

I guess it's all in the perspective.