I'm No Lincoln

This week, I clocked 900 miles driving around the state of Illinois on work-related matters. It’s something I actually enjoy especially when I have a rental car equipped with satellite radio. You just haven’t lived until you’ve driven to Peoria while listening to a Concerto for Bass Flute.

While driving through Springfield, one can’t help but notice that everything is “Abraham Lincoln This” and “Abraham Lincoln That” and that got me thinking about Illinois’ second-most famous president.

Long before he became president, Mr. Lincoln worked as a circuit attorney serving a number of counties across central Illinois. Back in those days, there was no Interstate 55 or 74 connecting Springfield to anywhere else. Mr. Lincoln had to go from town to town by horseback. On a horse.

If any of you have ever ridden a horse for a whole day, then you know what it means to be saddle-sore. Oh my gosh, there is nothing worse. Just when your crotch gets raw and bruised all the way up to your ears, the horse starts trotting. Mr. Lincoln had to endure that day after day after day. The mind reels.

I thought of that because I have a slight case of plantar fasciitis in my right foot and my heel was getting sore from pressing on the gas pedal so much. I was glad my rental had cruise control.

There were no Applebee’s or Ruby Tuesday’s along the way at which Mr. Lincoln could stop for a bite to eat. No, Mary Lincoln probably stuffed some beef jerky and a few leftover corn pones in an old saddlebag for him.

I thought of that one night when was I too tired to walk down to the hotel lobby for dinner. I had room service bring a maple-glazed salmon with roasted vegetable medley.

And what about hotel accommodations along the way? Hampton Inns are nice but while in Springfield, I stay at the Hilton downtown (we get a state rate there).

Mr. Lincoln had to make do with flop-houses along the way. There, you’d get a meal and a bed –but back then, it was expected that male guests would share a bed with each other. And people didn’t bathe back then. Can you imagine riding a horse all day and then sharing a small bed with a smelly stranger with a sore crotch? The mind reels.

I thought of that when I asked the desk clerk to move me to another room because the one I had was on the first floor next to the parking lot. (It just didn’t feel private enough.). However, this hotel did have my favorite shampoo – Coconut & Lime Verbena by Bath & Body Works.

So, yes, as I drove through Springfield, I gained new respect for Mr. Lincoln and what he had to endure.

I was glad to get back to Chicago late Wednesday evening. I plunked my bags with the doorman while I returned my rental car and then headed up to the lovely solitude of my condo on the 50th floor.

Mr. Lincoln had to go home to Mary Todd.

The mind reels. . . .

Peoria!

OOOoooo. I’m busy, getting ready for my exciting trip to Peoria and Springfield.

Soon, I’ll be dining on the fine cuisine of chain restaurants in the heartland. The Applebee’s in Peoria just rocks.

I make fun of these places just because I’m a snooty Chicagoan, which is precisely what people in the rest of Illinois don’t like about us.

Actually, Peoria is a pretty neat little city. There’s this huge river that runs through it (I don’t know which one it is), and you enter the city over this monster of a bridge (I don’t know the name of it). I really like big bridges, so I always look forward to that.

Oh, I found a nice photo. Here is Peoria at night:

There are lots of riverboat casinos in Peoria which folks seem to enjoy. Frankly, I just don’t “get” gambling. I can honestly say that I’ve never gambled in my whole life. Not once. So, I probably won’t be on the riverboat casino.

I joke about the food in all these chain restaurants, but I have to admit there’s one food item that I really look forward to on these trips. And that’s getting a double Whopper at Burger King. (There aren’t any Burger Kings in downtown Chicago that I know of).

I’ve finally learned how to order a double Whopper the way I like it.

You see, their Whoppers come with mayonnaise, which I like. But I also like mustard on them too but they don’t come with mustard. They have a Mustard Whopper, but that doesn’t have mayonnaise, hence the name.

I want both mustard and mayo which, apparently, causes incredible mayhem and confusion amongst the Burger King staff:

Here’s how it all went down at the drive-thru:

“I’d like a double Whopper with mustard, please. That’s all” (I always end with “that’s all” because they always try to peddle something else with it like fries or a drink “Would you like to try a Whopping Pudding with that tonight?”)

“You only want mustard on it? Nothing else?”

“No, I want mayonnaise on it too. Thanks”

“Only mustard and mayonnaise”

“No, I want everything on it too. And mustard too”

“So you want a Mustard Whopper?”

“No, a Double Whopper but with mustard. That’s all”

“Only mustard?”

“No, I want everything on it. But I want mustard on it too.”

“Oh! Then that would be a double Whopper, ADD mustard.”

“Yes! Thank you.” (at that point, I want to reach in, grab her hand and put it on my nodding face like Anne Sullivan did with Helen Keller - - "Yesss!!")

“Would you like to try some fries with that tonight?. . . . “

So, apparently I enjoy a double Whopper, ADD mustard.

Also, in Springfield there’s this fantastic seafood restaurant called the Chesapeake Seafood House.

I know!

Seafood in Springfield Illinois; which is really surprising seeing that Springfield is in the middle of a state that’s in the middle of the country which is just about as far removed from the source of seafood as you can get. But it’s there.

They have a seafood platter to die for, and it’s a really nice place too. So, I’ll be there on Wednesday night. I’ve got it planned.

So, tomorrow I’ve got to pack and re-charge all my toys; the iPod, the laptop, the camera, the cell phone.

And rehearse my line for when I hit that drive-thru at the Burger King.