The Machine That Goes 'Ping'

I’m back from my surgery and everything went well. Especially the fact that I’m a little bit toasted on morphine and Vicodin right now.

Anyway, when I had earlier gone for the evaluation, the surgeon guy said that they would probably just give me a local anesthetic along with some happy-juice in an I V.

I guess he changed his mind because I had the full-blown, knocked-out type of surgery this morning. I saved the paper booties as a souvenir.

Of course, I’ve got something really funny to tell you about. . . .

As they were wheeling me into the operating room, I got the giggles, which soon turned into outright laughter. The anesthesiologist asked, “Are you okay?” and I told him that I had just thought of something really funny.

I proceeded to tell him that I had just thought of a scene from an old Monty Python film called The Meaning of Life -- the scene in the operating room.

He piped in and said, “The one where John Cleese plays the surgeon?”

And I said, “Yes! The scene where the staff are all excited over the expensive machine that goes Ping!”

“We’ve got one of those too!" he exclaimed. "We’ve also got a new one that goes Deedle-Deedle-Deedle!”

I was really having a good laugh right before surgery -- as it should be.

I just found the Monty Python scene with the machine that goes ‘Ping!’ for you. It really is a classic and I hope that if any of you ever have surgery, you can think of this scene and laugh your way under the knife.

Morphine helps too.

Click here for Monty Python

The Sperm Song

I love calling my friend, Jack, because every time he answers, he's laughing hysterically.

Here's why:

Twenty years ago, Jack and I watched the Monty Python film, "The Meaning of Life."

In the opening segment, there's a satirical depiction of a Roman Catholic mother who, obviously, has no means of birth control. Her drawers fall to the floor while she's washing dishes, her water breaks between her feet, a baby plops down, and she says, "Oh, Diedre, would you pick it up, please?"

The father of the family has about a hundred children around him as he breaks out into song, extolling the virtues of Roman Catholic reproduction.
Here's a video of the scene

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Anyway!
The reason Jack finds this so funny is this:

We saw this film together twenty years ago. It was hilarious because he was a minister in one large church in Dallas and I was an organist at another large church in Dallas. Then, one Sunday, Jack attended the large church in Dallas where I was an organist.

It was our little secret. The priest at this church was an absolute, narcissistic, militant asshole and we hated him. So, I suggested that Jack might like to be present at this particular Mass . . . .And I played "The Sperm Song" during communion.

Because my friend, Rev. Jack, was in the audience, I disguised the melody to Monty Python's "The Sperm Song" during the communion meditation music at this HUGE church in Dallas.

Rev. Jack was there among the congregants, and having a very good laugh. He cast a knowing look to me during Communion while I played "The Sperm Song" on this organ, disguised as a churchy-Bach-type-meditative thing.

Twenty years later: Jack has an iPhone which enables him to download ring-tones of just-about-anything. He's downloaded the soundtrack to "The Sperm Song" from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life."

"The Sperm Song" is now my ring-tone on his iPhone.

We've spoken to each other just about every day for the past twenty years. Lots of familiarity; lots of water under the bridge. . .

. . . But now, whenever he he answers my calls, there's lots of hilarity on the other end. My ring-tone is a full chorus of:

"Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood. . ."

I love that.

Having been in the ministry and friends for twenty years, "The Sperm Song" as my ring-tone on his iPhone is, indeed, cause for unalloyed laughter with every connection.

Isn't that what good friends are for?