Watermelon

Watermelon.
Hands down, one of my all-time favorite food items.

As far back as my memory can take me, I've loved these big, red, luscious things. I'm sure I was introduced to watermelon by my grandmother, Budgie, who raised me since I was ten. She loved it and would just get like a giggly school girl whenever one was cut open. I'm sure I picked up on that, as Budgie and I have been best friends since the day I was born.

At family picnics or get-togethers, we'd always have a watermelon. Budgie would call down to the local market and ask them to put one in their cooler so it would be cold when we'd pick it up. Small towns are like that.

Then, the time would come for the "watermelon unveiling." I'd hop up next to the table and a large knife was inserted. You could tell if a watermelon was ripe by the way it would craaack! open ahead of the knife blade, like a fissure opening up in an earthquake. Then, the two halves would fall apart, revealing the deep, red fruit.

Budgie would always let out a little scream of delight at that point.

Then we'd dig in. Budgie would always exclaim, "Oh, this is the best one we've had this year!"
And we'd always say, "Budgie! You always say that!"
And she'd reply, "Well it is!"

Budgie and I could polish off an amazing amount of watermelon. Seriously, we'd eat half a large one. No problem.

When I would come home from Austin or Dallas, my drive always took me through Luling, Texas, which is the watermelon capital of Texas. I'd always stop there and buy a famous "Luling Watermelon" from one of their many roadside stands and bring it home for Budgie and me.

We'd spend the afternoon with our watermelon, just the two of us. Eating watermelon together was a sacrament for us. The rest of the family knew it and would stand back, giving us plenty of room.

Budgie also loved sherbet. Every night, she'd have a big bowl of sherbet while we'd all be gathered around the TV, watching Mary Tyler Moore or All in the Family.
Those were such good memories. . . .

Now, I've developed my watermelon sorbet recipe (see below). I've eaten four bowls of it tonight and I keep thinking how much Budgie would have loved it. It's like a watermelon sherbet. Her two favorite things.
(Well, besides me, that is).

Here's a pic of Budgie and me at "watermelon-church", taken about ten years ago.
Sheer ecstasy.

Greeting Cards, Birthday or Otherwise

The building where I work has a greeting card store in the lower level. That makes it convenient for those of us (i.e. guys) who want to expend as little energy as possible when buying a card for a loved one.

Women love to buy cards. They will spend hours reading all the cards to find just the right one, usually for a guy.

Me, I usually look at the ones with a big puppy-face on it first. Beagle and basset hound puppies are best. Can't go wrong with a puppy-face.

So, I was in the convenient card store in my building, looking for a birthday card for Miss Healthypants. She should feel so honored.

Let me tell you, this card store had the stupidest cards I've ever seen. All of them seemed to have these really lame puns and jokes on them. At one point, after reading a particularly dumb card, I couldn't contain myself and loudly blurted out, "Oh, you gotta be kidding me!"

I had to work very hard to find a card that wasn't lame or stupid for Miss Healthypant's birthday. She should feel so honored.

Cards for our grandmothers are hard to come by. Not because the Card People don't make enough of them, but because they all say things like, "For you, Grandmother, on your. . . "

Who the hell actually calls their grandmothers "Grandmother"?? Probably the last person to do so was a guy named Percy in Victorian England. And then his schoolmates soundly trounced him.

My grandmothers were called Granny and Budgie. My great-grandmothers (are you ready for this) were Big-Mama and Grandmama-mama.

My mom is called Garanny. Not Granny, but GA-ranny.

My friend, Madeline, called her grandmothers Coco and Wowo (pronouced woah-woah).

So, where are the cards that acknowledge Budgie, Coco, Wowo, Garanny and Grandmama-mama?
"Grandmother" indeed!

An appropriate Father's Day card is hard to find too. They're wayyy too sappy. Sure, I love my Dad and easily say so when we end a phone conversation. He's a loveable guy. But I don't want to send a card that has a silhouette of a father and son fishing with "Throughout my life you were always there to . . . . "

Stop! I'm trying to keep my lunch down, okay? Geez!

There should just be a whole section of cards with basset hound puppies on the front and blank insides. Like this one here. On the inside I'd write,
"I have to pee."

Now that would be a good card for any occasion!

By the way, what did you call your grandmothers?