Groceries

A consumer report survey of customers’ favorite and least favorite grocery stores was just published and the two grocery stores where I shop were on the top five and bottom five lists.

I wholly concur with the findings. 

Trader Joe’s was in the top five; actually, it was second from the top. I love my Trader Joe’s and I’m so fortunate to have one within walking distance. As a matter of fact, it’s a block from the church where I sing, so I hit TJ’s twice a week. 

The staff are ever so friendly. You can just tell that every employee is happy to be there and it shows. Also, there are plenty of staff on hand. If you find yourself searching for an item, a chirpy employee will magically appear to help. If check-out lines become the least bit crowded, a bell rings and several workers leap into place behind cash registers and beckon you into their queue. 

And the prices! Oh, you’ll love Trader Joe’s for the prices. Most of the items are their own brand, from the frozen foods to the wine, the prices are remarkably low. Frozen food entrees for $2.49 are common. Their wines are $2.99 a bottle and often score surprisingly high at wine tasting competitions. 

And there’s a whimsical side to Trader Joe’s that I enjoy. Italian food items will be under the name, “Trader Giotto’s”. Mexican will be “Trader Jose’s”. Their brand of Cheerios is “Joey-O’s”. Very cute, indeed. 

My Texan friends and family will soon have TJ’s opening up near them. Stores are already open in Dallas and Houston. One is opening in San Antonio very soon with plans for additional Texan stores to follow.

At the bottom of the survey is Jewel-Osco. I can vouch for that. 

When I need to go to a regular-type of grocery store, there’s a Jewel nearby. It’s crowded, messy, and their produce aisle is often picked clean. It’s not uncommon to find one lonely, bruised banana or just a few squished grapes available. Don’t bother looking for someone to assist. If you want something from the deli, be prepared to send up a flare in order to get their attention. When it’s time to check out, you may find a line so long that there are Cro-Magnons near the front of it.

As I write this, I have to laugh, though. 

Millions of people in Africa would be grateful for a meal of cold yam paste while typical Americans bang on their high chairs when we have to wait more than five minutes to pay for our bounty.

British Food

I had a Real Christmas Dinner once.

Picture this. Austin Texas. 1984.

I was working full time at a bank making a paltry salary. Needing some extra money, I decided to get a part time job. Somehow, I found a really cool little job as a chef’s assistant at a British restaurant called the Auld Alliance.

The Auld Alliance was a unique place. It was owned by a Scottish fellow and they served your standard English fare: Steak & kidney pie, fish pie, beef & oyster pie, lamb & apricot pie. I do believe the British would put a leather shoe inside a pie and call it 'dinner' if you let them.

However, each night, they also featured four or five French entrees that were really pretty impressive. Lamb with artichokes, steak au poivre, sole with rich butter sauces. As the assistant, I always got to make the patés, both chicken liver and de lapin (rabbit).

By the way, they say rabbit tastes just like chicken.
SO not true.
It tastes like a furry bunny rabbit.

Anyway, I really enjoyed working there and learned a lot from the head chef. Plus, the kitchen staff got to drink as much Guinness as we wanted while at work, so there’s that.

For Christmas, the owner made a traditional English Christmas dinner for the staff. Honestly, it was one of the more memorable meals I’ve had in my lifetime.

The meal began with beluga caviar, the good stuff imported from Russia. It was the first time I'd ever had caviar and I loved it, for it was served with thimble-sized glasses of ice-cold Stolichnaya. Wow.

Then, there was the traditional roast goose with sage and onion stuffing. For those who didn’t prefer goosey things, roast beef with Yorkshire pudding was also supplied. It was cooked just the way it should be: Almost blackened on the outside and quiveringly rare on the inside along with creamy horseradish.

Brussels sprouts, and roast potatoes (roasted in goose fat) accompanied the meats.

Then, came the plum pudding. A real, live plum pudding, made the previous year that had been stored in the back of the cooler for a twelve-month-and-a-day. Set alight and served with a creamy hard sauce, you wanted to break out into a rousing verse of God Save the Queen with one spoonful.

Say what you will about British food. I’ll admit, I’ve had some pretty bad British food that justifies its reputation.

I’ve seen them boil the hell out of cabbage and carrots. God forbid there should be any flavor or texture remaining in their veggies. I’ve eaten those cold, suet-laden pies on the run; the ones filled with jellied veal and ham. And don’t EVEN get me started on the horrors of steak & kidney pudding.

But this traditional Christmas dinner at the Auld Alliance made up for all that.

It went out business soon after than and became a gay bar.

. . . hardly a huge leap for a British restaurant.