All My Children

I was genuinely sad to hear recently that All My Children will come to an end in September. I don’t watch this daytime drama, but I used to be an avid fan of this program for about thirteen years. Although I haven’t watched it in twenty years, I still feel sad that the stories from Pine Valley will soon be ending.


I began watching AMC quite by accident. It was 1978 and I was a freshman in college working part time at the front desk in my dormitory. At noon each day, the lobby would fill up with residents of the dorm to watch their favorite soap. And this was a men’s dorm, mind you.

So, I got hooked. This was a long time ago – back when Erica Kane had just split up with Nick, Brooke was a young, mean little sylph, and Tad was a snot-nosed teenage brat.
You know. The good-old days.

After college, I worked in a bank and every day at noon, a large group of us would pile in to the TV room to eat our lunches, glued to the TV. I still recall that there wasn’t a dry eye in the place when Jenny died after being blown up on the jet ski. We could have all used grief counseling after that episode, trust me.

Now, the story lines from my favorite soap will come to an end and I feel a pang of sadness. I’m thinking of watching it again to see how it will all end. Erica is probably on her thirteenth marriage by now. I still hope that, somehow, Jenny will come back to life.

After all, stranger things have happened in Pine Valley.

All My Children

I see that the actor, James Mitchell, who played evil, nasty, diabolical Palmer Cortlandt on All My Children passed away today at the age of 91.

My addiction to All My Children began during my freshman year of college in 1978 and lasted until 1991. I’ve almost now twenty years of sobriety from my AMC addiction, but I remember those years very fondly.

I got hooked on AMC while working the front desk at my dorm during my freshman year in college. At noon every day, the lobby of the men’s dorm would fill up with guys who were also addicted to this daytime drama. I had little else to do but to become an addict myself.

Throughout my college career, I tried to arrange all my classes around that cherished noon time-slot. This was long before the days of VCRs, mind you. One semester, I was forced to take a class at noon. So, I rigged a cassette recorder to an electric timer, it would record it every day at noon, and I'd come home and listen to what took place in Pine Valley for that day.

That was back in the good ‘ol days when Erica Kane had her claws out for Tom Cudahy, Brooke was a total bitch, Phoebe Tyler was in just about every episode and Tad was a sniveling 17-year-old punk.

I loved the messed-up character of Devon McFaddin. Remember Devon? We watched her go from Miss goody-two-shoes, to unwed mother, to wife, to alcoholic, to lesbian, and back, all within the course of one year.

I remember just where I was when Jenny (of Jenny-and-Greg) died. It was sort of like the Kennedy assassination or 9-11. You’ll always remember right where you were when Jenny died.

Then, there was Palmer Cortlandt. A more conniving, evil, diabolical man would be hard to find. We AMC addicts had to suffer through at least five years of Palmer doing all sorts of evil plots to keep Nina and Cliff apart.

And now, he’s gone.

Maybe Nina and Cliff can finally get together, once and for all. I might just have to start watching it again to find out . . . .

The Employee Refrigerator

I just received the following “All Staff” email at work. It's in huge, bold, capital letters:

SOMEONE TOOK MY LEAN CUISINE FROM THE FRIDGE THIS MORNING!!!!! IF YOU DID THIS BY MISTAKE, PLEASE RETURN IT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!

There’s probably no other place that produces more contention in the workplace than the refrigerator in the office break room.

There are about fifty employees where I work and we have a rather nice break room complete with the ubiquitous water-cooler, a decent coffee service, herbal teas, an ice machine, a dishwasher and a big refrigerator.

I did not accidentally take the Lean Cuisine that caused the Major Lunch Theft Alert.

I, on the other hand, will frequently obtain lunch from the Overpriced Food Court in the lobby, eat half of it, put the other half in the fridge for later and never think about it again.

I’m not the only one, either. That fridge is always crammed full of leftovers. Fifty employees can’t possibly squirrel away that much food. There are probably Pterodactyl Lean Cuisines left by a previous employee named “Ogg” in there.

Occasionally, the receptionist will send out an “All Staff” email saying that the fridge will be cleaned out at 3 pm and if we have anything in there to take it out. Otherwise, it will be thrown away.

By that time, the fridge has begun to smell like Gary Indiana on a summer day.

Many years ago when I worked at a bank, I’d often bring my lunch and eat it in the TV room with 30 women watching All My Children. This was back in the day when Devon McFaddin thought she was an alcoholic, then she thought she was a lesbian, then she thought she was insane. God, she was a mess. I loved it. Then Jenny of Jenny-and-Greg got blown up on the lake. Those were the good-'ol days of All My Children.

Anyway, someone stole my lunch about three days in a row. Maybe this person really liked my lunches, but to steal someone’s lunch was unconscionable.

I was mad. I wanted to get even.

I thought about making a ham salad sandwich and mix dog poo in it, but I just couldn’t go that far. I wanted to make a point, not send someone to the emergency room.

So, I made a ham salad sandwich and mixed in tons of cayenne pepper. I think I put an entire can of it in there.

Sure enough, my lunch was taken. Sadly, I was never able to find out who took it, but it did put an end to the mysterious pilfering.

I just received another “All Staff” email from the same employee. Apparently, we can call off the Major Lunch Theft Alert. The Lean Cuisine was located after all.

And no, I was not the employee that misplaced the Lean Cuisine.