It's Pat!

Yesterday when I was at the gym, I was minding my own business while torturing myself on some upper-body machine when a very strange person walked over in front of me.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out of this person was male or female. This person was around sixty years old I’d say, not very attractive at all, and sort of reminded me of the androgynous character from Saturday Night Live named Pat.

Do you remember that character? In every skit about Pat, the guest star would ask Pat a number of questions trying to get Pat to divulge a gender.

Anyway, this person was wearing baggy short-shorts and proceeded to plop down on the floor directly in front of me, laying on his/her back. Then, this person proceeded to perform some quick leg-raises, crossing and un-crossing the legs really wide, back and forth at the knees. . . in these baggy short-shorts . . . facing me.

I quickly averted my eyes, looking upward. I think I had an expression on my face resembling Jim Halpert from The Office - - you know, when he looks at the camera with that wide-eyed, alarmed look on his face.
The leg-raising-and-crossing continued, unabated, in front of me.

I still kept wondering what gender this strange person was.

Male? Female? Maybe intersexed?
I really didn’t have a clue.

The raised leg crossing-and-spreading continued. . . .

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. The curiosity got to me. I just had to know. Surely, just a quick glance toward the baggy shorts would tell me what I wanted to know.

I did it.

I stole a furtive glance into the netherworld of those baggy shorts directly in front of me not ten feet away.

And you know what? . . .

. . . For the life of me, I still couldn’t tell.