The Olympics

I’ve been watching lots of the Olympics lately. When I say, “lots”, I mean that my Tivo records lots of it while I’m watching cooking programs. Then, I watch the Olympics that my Tivo has faithfully recorded for me.

When I say “watch,” I mean that I fast-forward through stuff like women’s beach volleyball and make it go really slow during the gymnastic routines.

I wish the networks would cover other teams besides the American ones. My cable company supplies me with ten grillion sports channels, so we’ve seen the American athletes. A lot.

Just once, I’d like to see a Bhutanese badminton player or an Icelandic curler. I doubt that my cable lineup has a Bhutanese Badminton Channel, but you never know.

By the way, have any of your ever watched a curling match before? When I lived in Canada, I really got into curling. The precision and strategy involved in this sport is absolutely mind-boggling.

Check it out. Click here.

The “rock” goes creeping all the way down the lane, . . . slowly, slowly, . . . . slower, slower, and then. . . . boink. . . it taps one of the opponent’s rocks and moves it about a half-millimeter. It’s sort of like shuffleboard on Prozac.

What’s really funny is when the Canadian network replays the move . . . in slow motion!
Oh my God! As if it wasn't already slow enough.

If Americans were curling, they’d probably change the rules to where one player would get points for smashing the opponent’s rocks into as many pieces as possible. That’s how we like our sports here. . . with as little subtlety and as much speed and power as possible.

What did you think of those opening ceremonies? Oh my goodness, it was as if the entire Chinese nation was saying, “Don’t even think about messing with China!”
I'm glad George W. was there to see that.

Chicago is one of the four contenders to host the 2016 Games. We're up against Madrid, Rio de Janeiro, and Tokyo.

I'd hate to think what Chicago do with the opening ceremonies. Whatever happens, it won't be pretty. And you can bet that there will be plenty of beer and hot dogs. Chicagoans don't do anything without beer and hot dogs.

Okay, Tivo has three hours of Olympic coverage for me. There'd better be somebody from Bhutan on there.