Hilarity

I'm sorry, but this blurb from The Onion is hilarious:

Olympic Torch Used To Ignite Tibetan Protesters

BEIJING—A universally recognized symbol of goodwill, the Olympic torch was used to immolate hundreds of Tibetan protesters during its journey across mainland China last week, in what is being called a stirring display of competitive spirit and Chinese nationalism.

"It was a thrilling experience," said torchbearer Wei Xiang, a member of the People's Liberation Army, who personally set 23 monks ablaze as he ran past their peaceful protest. "Today, I am very proud to be Chinese." As the torch travels the globe, a group of Serbian Nationalists has reportedly offered to transport the emblematic flame across the newly independent nation of Kosovo.