Saturday, September 30, 2006

Bush Regime Triggers Gay Marriage in Iraq

Bush Regime Triggers Gay Marriage in Iraq
In a turn of events that has caught the Bush administration with its pants down, the newly-formed Federal Supreme Court of Iraq voted unanimously to legalize same-sex marriage for all Iraqi citizens. Their 13-0 decision paved the way for same-sex marriages to be legally recognized beginning October 1, 2006.

“Ever since the U.S. invaded and occupied our country, no one in Iraq has been able to get married at all,” reports Prime Minister, Nouri al-Maliki. “We had to do something to save the very order and fabric of our society.”

Al-Maliki cited Islamic marriage law in which a man must pay a dowry (mahr) to the woman he intends to marry; a dowry which becomes her own personal property.

“When the U.S. occupied Iraq, every man able to provide mahr immediately fled the country. The only men remaining have absolutely no hopes of ever being able to marry a woman -- especially with the 70 percent unemployment rate since the occupation. But now that we’re a democracy, the prospect of same-sex marriage has given hope to millions of Iraqis.”

Qudumah Al-Nedjari, a 27 year-old unemployed electrician, fully embraces the idea of gay marriage.

“Under Saddam Hussein, I had a great job and was engaged to be married to a beautiful woman. Sadly, my fiancé was killed during Operation Iraqi Freedom and there has been no available work since then. I have no hope of ever providing mahr to a woman.”

Al-Nedjari drew a deep breath and continued. “But since George Bush brought democracy to Iraq, I can now marry my best friend, Mustafa. I’m not gay or anything, and especially don’t like being on the ‘bottom bunk’ when we have sex, but at least I won’t be alone for the rest of my life.”

Mustafa Abd-al-Hadi is also enthused over the prospect of marrying Al-Nedjari.

“We’ve been best friends since childhood. Sure, I’d like to marry a woman but that’s no longer possible under the Bush regime.”

He pauses and gives Al-Nedjari a peck on the cheek. “I’m sure we can work things out.”

The new marriage laws also have many benefits for Iraqi women.

“The U.S. military took my husband to Abu-Ghraib three years ago and now he’s presumed dead,” reports Dima Yusriyya, a 32 year old widow. “The Qu’ran forbids me to marry without mahr but there are no men left who can provide that. Luckily, women aren’t under such obligations and so I’m marrying my sister-in-law, Salwa, next week."

Prime Minister, Al-Maliki, cited a recent poll result. “Eighty-five percent of single Iraqis are expected to enter into same -sex marriages within a year. George Bush has truly brought new hope and vibrancy to our people through the spread of democracy."

Al-Maliki wiped a tear from his eye. “God bless America!”

© 2006 by Jonathan Wheat


At 2:45 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

I am so moving to Iraq to fulfill my dream of being a wedding coordinator. Goldmine. Oh, wait, no one has any money. Never mind.

At 9:07 AM , Blogger Kyle said...



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