Saturday, July 08, 2006

Ten Things

Ten Things I can do:
1. Play "Flight of the Bumble Bee" on the piano
2. Put my left foot behind my neck
3. Write in Russian, printed and cursive
4. Speak with an English accent
5. Name the capital cities of every state and just about every country
6. Remember numbers
7. Make free-throws in basketball (nine in a row is my best)
8. Pull strudel dough
9. Ice skate
10. Spell "diahrrea"

Ten Things I cannot do:

1. Roll my R's as in the Spanish word "perro"
2. Play volleyball (I fall down every time I move forward to hit the ball)
3. Smoke weed
4. Allow tongues in my ear
5. Remember names of people
6. Eat food with my fingers (this includes popcorn)
7. Bowl
8. Watch the movie "Babette's Feast" without crying
9. Go hiking in the Pacific Northwest (because of Bigfoot)
10. Vote for a Republican

Ten Things always in my fridge/freezer
1. Anchovy paste
2. Carrots
3. Lemon grass
4. Leftover wine (frozen, for cooking)
5. Soy Moo
6. Dehydrated limes way in the back
7. Dehydrated ginger way in the back
8. Chili paste, Tabasco, pickled jalapenos (well, that's really three things, but get over it)
9. Gallon container of Aquafina (but it's really tap water)
10. Starbuck's Italian Roast

Ten Things never in my fridge/freezer
1. Milk (comes right back up if I drink it)
2. Cheese (doesn't come out if I eat it)
3. Eggs (what for?)
4. Ground turkey (gag!)
5. Batteries
6. Beer
7. Ice Cream
8. Frozen dinners
9. Coke (ca-Cola)
10. Fake meat (soy sausage, etc)

Ten places I'd love to visit:

1. North Korea
2. Russia
3. Iceland
4. Faroe Islands (look it up)
5. Canadian High Arctic
6. Greenland
7. India
8. Budapest
9. Finland
10. President Bush in prison

Ten Places I've no desire to visit:

1. South Korea
2. Hawaii (too touristy)
3. Any cruise liner (way too touristy)
4. California (it's just not "real")
5. Florida (the humidity)
6. Australia (the accent really bugs me)
7. Rome (too Catholic-y)
8. Grand Canyon (I just don't "get it")
9. Mount Rushmore (okay, now that we've seen it, we're in effing South Dakota)
10. New Orleans (because the oysters all died)

12 Comments:

At 5:18 PM , Anonymous The Hag :) said...

You also can't rap! *hee hee*

 
At 7:19 PM , Blogger Jon said...

ANYONE can rap!

 
At 11:30 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

How the hell do you eat popcorn?

 
At 11:30 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh my gosh, and what about hotdogs? And hamburgers? Do you not eat pickles and olives? Pizza? The mind, she is reeling...

 
At 11:31 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Donuts? Grapes?

 
At 11:31 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Ok, so do you walk around with a supply of tiny forks for spearing things?

 
At 11:31 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Because I would really be amused to watch someone eat popcorn with a little tiny fork.

 
At 11:32 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

I can put my right foot behind my head. We could be bookends.

 
At 12:19 PM , Blogger Jon said...

Dearest Lorraine. I must confess that I eat fruit with my fingers. Popcorn is with a spoon. Burgers, pizza, hot dogs and doughnuts with a knife and fork. Even the sight of grease on someone else's fingers sends shivers down my spine.

We must be bookends when we meet someday. It's a date. (I KNEW there was a reason I liked you)

 
At 10:13 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Popcorn. With a spoon. As Mr. Bingley's snotty sister once said, "I am all astonishment".

 
At 6:15 AM , Blogger Jon said...

Yes, popcorn with a spoon. How else does one eat it without getting grease on your fingers???I'll also admit to potato chips and fried chicken with latex gloves. I'll admit it! I love 'em both. Buth they both require protection.
And, yes, I'll admit it! I even eat hamburgers in private with latex gloves! I like tons of mustard and mayonnaise. But there's NO WAY it's gonna drip on my fingers. Oh! The humanity.
There! You got me!

 
At 6:21 AM , Blogger Jon said...

I also carry silverware in my back-pack and keep an extra supply in my desk at work. You never know when you're going to encounter one of those "we-don't-supply-utensils-type-of-barbecue places. The fried Chicken / Catfish place next door to my workplace only supplies these tiny plastic forks. Uh-uhh! That just won't do!!

 

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