Tats

Okay, I'm going to complain about "these kids nowadays" again. I just don't get this obsession with tattoos that they have. Don't they realize how permanent they are? I know I'm going to step on some people's toes with this and, yes, I'll agree that there are some tasteful tattoos out there. But they're permanent!

Whenever I see 20-somethings on the subway with tats all up and down their arms, all I see is an exercise in instant gratification and a woeful lack of self restraint. I just want to shake them by thier inky shoulders and say, "You idiot!" Don't they know how silly this is going to look when they're fifty-seven, divorced for the third time, slowly undressing and trying to bed the date for the night? There your flabby arms will be, all inked up with silly barbed wire, Celtic crosses and flaming unicorns. You idiot.

If I was King of the USA, I'd implement a mandatory twenty-five year waiting period be observed between tattoo purchase and tattoo application.

I'll admit that I was a stupid kid once too. Just ask my father. I shudder to think of the time when I was a senior in college and bleached my hair stark raving platinum blond. (see photo) I still don't know what caused me to do that. I looked like a space creature with this white hair and huge brown eyes underneath. But bleached hair isn't permanent.

I guarantee that in twenty years, the tattoo removal industry will be extremely lucrative. I should purchase stock in it right now and make a fortune from these kids' stupidity.