Queen of Heaven Cancels Norwegian Appearance

After much speculation, Mary, Queen of Heaven decided to follow her publicity agent's advice and cancel her Norwegian apparition.

"I was so big in France, Mexico, and Portugal so I wanted to try Norway," reported the Mother of God. "My fans have loved me so far and I really wanted to see another part of Europe."

The Virgin's publicist secretly admitted to limiting the apparitions to largely poor, uneducated Roman Catholic crowds. "She would have bombed up there in country like Norway which is ninety-five percent Protestant." Scandinavian societies, being highly educated, are known to have the highest standard of living in the world. "It would've been brutal for her up there."

The Immaculate Conception's next apparition is scheduled to take place during a children's beauty pageant in the border town of Brownsville, Texas.