CTA Implements Revised Fare Rates

In an effort to provide more equitable fees for riders, the Chicago Transit Authority has implemented a radically new means by which riders are charged for transit fares. Instead of each rider paying the same fare, each rider will now be charged according to their own body-mass index. All CTA buses and trains have been equipped with body-mass sensors that evaluate each rider upon entering. At that point, the price of their fare is indicated on an LED screen with fares in direct ratio to the body-mass index.

In a recent interview with a CTA public relations official, the justifications for the revised fares were evident.

"Chicago was recently rated as one of the fattest cities in the U.S. It's really unfair that a thin, healthy person has to pay the same fare as someone with a butt so wide that they take five minutes getting on the bus and then plop down across two seats."

CTA rates have remained the same at $1.75 per fare for healthy riders. However, some riders such as Semma Washington of Calumet Park (shown above) have been charged as much as $9.25 for a one-way fare on the revised plan.

"Our bottom line is, if you can't afford to ride the CTA because of your weight, then you probably need to be doing a little more walking folks!"