Friday, May 29, 2015

Duggar Scandal Featured on Celebrity Tours

SPRINGDALE, ARKANSAS - In order to capitalize on the Josh Duggar scandal, GoldLine Tours of Hollywood, in conjunction with the City of Springdale, is offering guided bus tours that focus on notorious sites featured in TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting and the child molestation scandal of Josh Duggar. Springdale’s mayor, Doug Sprouse, explained that a steady influx of tourists and curiosity seekers prompted him to contact the tour bus company in hopes of benefiting at least financially from hordes of onlookers in the Springdale area.
"My wife and I had just returned from L.A. and I remembered how much we enjoyed the tour of celebrity homes," said the mayor. "I figured this would be a great opportunity to generate some much-needed revenue for our fair city."
For $29.95 each ($15.95 for children under twelve), sightseers can board luxury buses at various hotels in the Springdale area and embark on an exciting ninety-minute tour of locations associated with the child abuse cases. The buses pass by notorious sites such as the home of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their 19 children, the first house that Josh and Anna lived in as newlyweds, and the police headquarters where Jim Bob allegedly took Josh one year after the molestations came to light.
Highlights of the tour include photo ops in front of the famous Duggar home where the unreported molestations took place ten years ago and the infamous hill featured at the beginning of each episode, down which the children gleefully run along with one on bouncing on Josh’s shoulders. The tour is followed by a picnic lunch (cost included in the ticket price) in the parking lot of the used car dealership that Josh once owned before taking his post with the Family Research Council in Washington DC.
"I can't believe we're really here!" exclaimed one tourist, Mindy Feingold, who drove 20 hours with her husband, David, and their two children from White Plains, New York. "It looks just like it did on television!"
"We were going to take the kids to see their uncle's name on the Viet Nam Memorial in Washington," said David Feingold. "But, historically, this is much more significant." His children concurred. "It was fun, Daddy!" they said in unison. Feingold playfully ruffled his son's hair. "And Jonathan here says he wants to have his own reality show someday. Doncha, slugger!"
"The tourist response has been phenomenal," reported Mayor Sprouse. "It's going to be a real money-maker—much more than the actual reality show ever was."

Owing to the huge influx of tourists, Six Flags Corporation CEO, Mark Shapiro, has indicated an interest in opening a large theme park in the Springdale area. "The tourist season hasn't even begun yet, and the head counts look pretty impressive," said Shapiro. "Interest in the Duggar molestation scandal could certainly give [nearby] Warm Springs a run for their money."

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Sunday, May 24, 2015

Christian Baker Refuses to Make a 'Welcome Home Josh' Cake for Michelle Duggar. Cites 'Firmly Held Religious Beliefs'

SPRINGDALE, ARKANSAS -- Reeling from the recent child abuse scandal and having resigned as executive director of the Family Research Council, Josh Duggar, his wife, and three children have left Washington D.C. and returned to the family homestead in Springdale, Arkansas. Adding to further embarrassment, a local baker refused to make a “Welcome Home Josh” cake for his mother, Michelle Duggar, upon his return.
“As a devout Christian, I just couldn’t bring myself to bake a cake for Michelle Duggar knowing it would be used to celebrate the return of a habitual sex offender into their home,” reported Harriet Johnston, owner of “I Knead Thee Every Hour,” a bakery specializing in Christian-themed baked goods. “Mrs. Duggar has been a long-time customer, but when she asked me to bake this cake, I held her hand and told her I couldn’t do it because of my relationship with Jesus Christ.”
Johnston thought for a moment and added, “At first, I thought I’d get persecuted for my beliefs and by not complying with the Consumer Protection Act, but the Duggars and Mike Huckabee have championed religious freedom for business owners in Arkansas for years now. This is the only person I’ve ever refused to serve during my 37 years in business, but I knew my Christian beliefs would be protected.”
Mrs. Duggar was reportedly quite taken aback by the refusal of service from a Christian-owned business. She repeatedly tried to obtain services from other area bakeries, including the local Wal-Mart, but was continually turned away.
“I have nothing against Josh Duggar personally,” said Johnston. “I have a problem with what this cake would be used for – to welcome him back into the midst of all those children. It’s their lifestyle I have problem with. I’ll always say that all children deserve a mother and a father – but ones who would not harbor a sex offender in their home.”

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