Tuesday, October 14, 2008

McCain Stuns Political World -- Replaces Palin

WASILLA AK -- In a last-ditch effort to appeal to the coveted base of evangelical voters, the McCain campaign has replaced vice-presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, with that of her daughter and pregnant teen, Bristol.

“We realized that any appeal Sarah Palin had with the evangelical sector, Bristol could easily surpass,” reported McCain’s chief campaign advisor and strategist, Steve Schmidt.

“We regret making such a dramatic change at this juncture, but frankly, Bristol’s attributes far exceed those of her mother’s. At this point, we can’t afford not to capitalize on that.”

Focus on the Family President, James Dobson, was elated at the change in line-up.

“Originally, we were thrilled that McCain had chosen a hockey-mom who had decided to continue her pregnancy upon learning that her baby, Trig, had Down syndrome. However, many more of our constituents can relate to an unwed, pregnant teen like Bristol than they can with her mother,” said Dobson. "Especially those who are advocates of abstinence-only education."

“The fact that Bristol and her fiancé, Levi Johnston, won’t be completing high school makes it very easy for most evangelical households to identify with them," Dobson added.

Schmidt continued to extol the attributes of the new running mate.

“Additionally, Bristol has quite a bit more knowledge about her Russian neighbors than her mother,” he said, citing a two-page book report Bristol had completed during the 8th grade, titled The Chukchi People of the Russian Penninsilla [sic].

“Obviously, her knowledge of international affairs far exceeds that of her mother’s.”

Pat Robertson of the Christian Broadcast Network was equally pleased with McCain’s choice.

“What this country needs is the fine example of a young lady like Bristol who has obviously chosen life and will soon be partaking in the marriage of one man and one woman.”

Robertson added, “Additionally, Levi will be a fine model of athleticism and manhood for our nation’s young men to admire and emulate.”

In keeping with the theme of children’s names the Palins have chosen, the young couple reportedly plans to name their baby either ‘Algebra’ or ‘Burlap’.

Upon the advice of her mother, the newly-named vice presidential running mate has also decided to refrain from any and all press interviews for the foreseeable future.

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At 10:13 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...


At 7:07 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had my hopes up after reading the title and then they were dashed.........:-)

At 8:07 PM , Blogger Speck said...

Hahahahaha! EXCELLENT!

At 12:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! I not sure what to think of this. I was like totally behind Sarah Palin's run for prez but I think having Bristol as prez would be 2 cewl!!!!!!


At 6:48 PM , Blogger Iwanski said...

Funny stuff! Good work.

and in 2017: "Little Burlap is so cute. Him's nine years old, but him's can't read or write yet. But him's sure can skin a moose! Woo-hoo!"


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