Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Air Travel

Having just flown to Texas and back, I have some ideas about traveling by air.

It’s boring.

There’s only so much you can do to entertain yourself on a three hour flight.

I don’t want to engage in conversation with a stranger. When that has occurred, I’m always wondering if I’m talking too much or not enough. One never knows with a stranger.

I like to have a really good book to read on the flight, but really good books are hard to find. Also, if I have my nose in a book, it usually deflects any strangers from chatting me up.

I like to look out the window if it’s daytime and the weather is clear. After all, it’s pretty interesting to see how we’ve laid out our little world.

But at thirty-five thousand feet up, the world seems to go by pretty slowly. Illinois and Kansas are pretty boring places to fly over.

I used to get nervous during flights but not anymore. Now I’m just bored. When the plane encounters turbulence (or “a bit of choppy air” as the pilots call it), I’m thinking, “Well, at least something’s happening.”

I wish each airline company would offer flights that flew really close to the ground; just high enough not to run into buildings or animals. Wouldn’t that be exciting?

There went Peoria.

Was that Des Moines?

Also, the plane ride is always more exciting when the plane gets low to the ground. There’s a lot more movement and bouncing around. Wouldn’t a three-hour flight that was totally low to the ground be exciting? It sure wouldn’t be boring.

I think the pilots would have a lot more fun flying a big airliner low to the ground. At 35,000 feet, you know they’re probably dozing off or playing solitaire (or blogging) up there in the cockpit.

If the pilots were allowed to have fun flying the plane, that would sure make it more exciting. “Okay, ladies and gentlemen, for the next fifteen seconds, we’re going to fly this puppy upside down. Please fasten your seatbelts and return your tray tables to their locked position. Here we go!”

On a completely different note, here’s something I can’t figure out. Why do airlines load the first class passengers first?

If I was flying first class (which I’ve yet to do), I sure wouldn’t want to have to sit there and have all the other folks bumping past me for half an hour.

Every time I get on an airplane, I always feel like the first class passengers are looking down on us chattel as we schlep back to the steerage compartment.

Frankly, I think that the first class area should be designated as a farting zone for all the other passengers. As you walk past them, everyone should just let one rip while the first class snoots are sitting there with their champagne.

There. Those are my ideas regarding air travel.


At 3:10 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Those are very lovely ideas. Makes me even more inclined to take the train, but still.

At 11:03 PM , Blogger Iwanski said...

I love the idea of fartin' right into the face of some first-class dude reading THE NEW YORKER.


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