Ninety-Nine Bucks. Why Stay Home?

Next weekend, I'm flying down to Texas just for a quickie trip to visit a close friend of mine. I found one of those Super-Saver fares on Tequila Airways (i.e.Southwest Airlines) for $99 each way. My flight leaves Midway at 7:30 Friday night and I return Sunday night.

Why stay home?

My very first plane ride was on Southwest back when I was in college. Back then, Southwest had these incredibly cheap student fares. My flight was from San Antonio to Dallas and it was only . . . are you ready for this . . . nineteen dollars.

Now here's the weird part. I remember smoking on that flight! Remember that? The smokers would sit in the back and the arm rests had ash trays in them with the little stainless steel lid that flipped open. The moment the flight took off, everyone would light up.

Even though I was a smoker for 12 years, I never really cared for smoking in enclosed spaces. I remember smoking on the flight just because I could.

I have to admit, I like Southwest Airlines. Having grown up in Texas, I've schlepped around on them quite a bit for quick trips. Texas is a big place and you need something like Southwest to get any schlepping done down there.

I do wish they'd let you select your seat though. I always try to get an aisle seat by the emergency exit so that (1) I can go tinkle if I need to (2) for the extra leg room and (3) I can be the first one to leap from the burning airplane after a crash landing. The hell with women-and-children-first. Plane goes down, I'm getting off.

But you can't select your seat on Southwest. You just get a boarding pass, they fling open the doors and herd you onto the plane. Moooo!

I always make a point to bring a good airplane book to read. Texas is about a three-hour flight away from every place I've lived and you need something to pass the time away.

But mainly, I want something to ward off the horrible seat-mate who might want to actually talk to me during the flight. Oh my God! I hate that.

I just want to say, "Look, I don't care where you're from, I don't care why you're going to Houston, I don't care that your daughter is graduating from college with a degree in whatever, and I just wanna be left alone to read The DaVinci Code!"

Here's something fun to do. When I'm seated next to Miss Chatty-Pants and she asks the inevitable, "So, what do you do in Chicago?" I say that I'm a janitor. I love the reaction. Then, I get to read my book.

I hope I get to ride the in Shamu plane this time. I'll bet the mechanics take better care of the Shamu airplane compared to the others. There's just no way they'd let their cute whale airplane crash.