Thursday, March 22, 2012


For the past four nights, citizens of Clintonville, Wisconsin (pop. 4,763) have been baffled by loud, trembling booming sounds that occur only during the night. Some of the exploding sounds have even caused cracks to appear in walls and basement foundations. Insurance companies refuse to cover the damage until a cause is identified.

The booming sounds are reportedly spreading to towns south of Clintonville.

I love mysteries like this!

I looked up Clintonville on the map and it would be an easy drive from Chicago. If I wasn’t so busy this weekend, I would be up there to spend a couple of nights. I’m thinking of cancelling a Friday night dinner engagement in order to go up there. 

So, what do you think it is?

My guess—it’s the military. It’s always the military. As obscenely large as our military is, they’re up to something. 

Remember the mysterious lights that appeared over Phoenix?

It was the military.

The UFO that crashed in the small town of Kecksburg, Pennsylvania back in the 1960s?

It was the military. 

The Loch Ness Monster is probably some military experiment on an eel that went awry.

But still, I want to spend the night in Clintonville, Wisconsin to be a part of this. If I go, I’ll be sure to report from behind the Cheddar Curtain.

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