The Gym . . . Again
Oops. I did it again.
Once again, I joined The Gym. This makes the third time in the last three years.
There’s a very nice Crunch Fitness in the lobby of my apartment building. I don’t actually have to go anywhere in order to go to The Gym. One would think that such convenience would make it easy for me to consistently work out.
I was visiting my parents last week and for the first time, my dad and I weighed the same amount. That’s not saying my dad is overweight. Far from it. He power-walks three miles a day, goes to the gym, and even participates in one of those Salsa-aerobics classes once a week.
My dad is two inches taller than I am and 21 years older, yet we weigh the same. So, I need to get my butt in the gym.
I walked into Crunch Fitness last night, sighed, and announced to the attendant, “I have to join the gym. . . Again.”
He asked me why I had quit two times before.
“I’m lazy and I don’t like working out because it hurts,” I said dryly.
All my information was still in their system from the last time I quit five months ago. They just needed me to re-authorize the payments.
As he was processing the paperwork, I noticed their promotional video on the TV screen. It was showing all the activities in which one can gleefully participate at Crunch Fitness.
They now feature “Strip Aerobics” where one can writhe around a pole. There was only one guy in the class. I don’t think I’ll be participating in that.
They also feature “Stiletto Aerobics” where one can wear fishnet stockings and prance around in super-high heels. I don’t think I can find a woman’s size 14 EEEEE stiletto even if I wanted to. (And you know what they say about guys who wear a size 14 women's shoe)
One can sign up to play dodgeball.
I'm currently paying a therapist to get over the trauma of being subjected to dodge ball in grade school. Paying a gym to play dodge ball would be extremely counter-productive, both finacially and psychologically.
The “Kangoo” thing looks like fun. It says, “Kangoo is the exercise boot with bounce. Strap on a pair of Kangoos, equipped with springs on the bottom and hop, jog, and jump your way through this low impact workout.”
The Kangoo class was going on while I was here. It sure looked like fun.
There’s also Disco Yoga. That sounds promising.
Finally, the guy came back with my new, shiny membership card. As I was signing the paperwork and he said something really horrible and offensive to me:
“So, did you want to work out tonight?” he chirped.
“Are you kidding me????”
(I really said that).
Didn’t he remember that I’m lazy and don’t like to work out because it hurts?
Besides, it was time for Sex and the City.