Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Gym

I've been meaning to go to the gym for the past twenty-five years.

Oh, I've joined. Lots of times. I just never actually go there on a regular basis.

The first gym I joined was in downtown Austin next to the bank where I worked. I figured I'd go there since it would be so convenient. I did actually go there about a dozen times. Mary Lou Retton worked out at the same facility which was really humiliating. She was like a hummingbird on crystal meth, madly pumping on a set of weights then buzzing to the next and the next.

Meanwhile, I'd be staring at the leg press, trying to figure out how to work the damn thing.

I've probably spent more energy in getting out of a gym membership than I did actually using one.

I don't like working out, mainly for one reason: It hurts!!

I know, I know. No-pain-no-gain and all that.
But my philisophy is, "No pain? - - - - hey! No pain!"

But I'm at the age now where I really need to work out. Not just because I'll look better, but it's now a health issue. I now have a nice job, a nice place to live, wonderful friends, a blue Cuisinart, and I want to be around to enjoy these things for as long as I can.

Wouldn't you know it? I finally get my head together and my ass falls apart!

There's a Crunch Fitness actually located in the lobby of my apartment building. I wouldn't even have to go outside to go there. And we, as residents, get a half-price membership. (They now offer dodgeball for adults which sends shivers of horror down my spine. I don't think I'll be doing that). I could even go there at 9:00 PM each night when no one else is around to actually see me stare at the machines, wondering what to do.

But each night at 9:00 PM, I'm usually on the couch watching my "Geek TV." You know, the National Geographic Channel, the Science Channel, the Discovery Channel. If there's a documentary about conjoined twins, or a new planet, or Bigfoot, I am there!

Man, I gotta get to the gym. . . .

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At 2:16 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Bwa to the ha ha!

At 2:36 PM , Blogger ladyvina said...

If you understand Spanish, go to my blog (it also has something in English) and read about my pain at the gym!! I do know what you mean!

At 9:59 PM , Anonymous MHP :) said...

My two favorite *laughing out loud* parts of this blog entry:

"No pain? - - - - hey! No pain!" *LOL*

"They now offer dodgeball for adults which sends shivers of horror down my spine." Hilarious!! *tee hee*


Poodle :)

At 10:00 PM , Anonymous MHP :) said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 11:21 AM , Blogger Red7Eric said...

I'm with you on the whole "No Pain" thing.

But hey ... not every workout has to be super-painful, and a one-time fling with a personal trainer to find out how to work the pesky machines might be helpful.

I'll do it if you do it ...

At 11:50 AM , Blogger Kendall said...

I once joined a gym because there were a lot of cute guys there and thought the eye candy would make me go.

I quit going because I realized all the eye candy was looking at the other eye candy and I wasn't the flavor they were looking for.


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